Why is it that once you're a mom, suddenly there's the new heavy burden of guilt that you feel for almost every choice you make? Should I breastfeed or bottle feed? Should I work outside the home or stay at home? Obviously raising a kid is a huge responsibility, so I think it's natural to think hard about choices that affect our children. But I don't understand why we, as women, make other women feel guilty about their choices.
Breastfeeding vs. Bottle Feeding
This is one of the first things we have to decide when we bring our kid home from the hospital (really before then, but you get the picture). It ultimately is a choice for the mom and it should come down to what is best for the mom and the baby. That is different for each family. I did breastfeed my Bean, but I recognize that it's not for everyone and that is OK. You'd be surprised how many people have STRONG opinions on this subject and have no problem telling you what you should or shouldn't do.
I can't stand the extremes on both sides of the issue who try to push their beliefs on other new moms. Being a new mom is difficult and overwhelming at best. The last thing a new mom needs is to feel guilty -- like she is less of a mother -- for not making the "right" choice about feeding her baby. Breastfeeding is hard. It is different for everyone, but my nursing mom friends agree that it's far from easy for most people. I had a baby with no drugs and that pain was NOTHING compared to what it felt like to nurse in the beginning. It HURT. A lot. Every 2 hours for 24 hours a day. But it got easier. It helped that I had wonderful support from my husband, my family and some phenomenal lactation consultants. But I remember thinking there's no way I could do this and how could something that is so "natural" be so painful? By 3 months it became second nature and was super easy.
But breastfeeding is different for everyone and every mom's needs are also different. If the mom has to go back to work soon or doesn't have the option to be able to pump at work, clearly breastfeeding is almost impossible. And sometimes moms just find it gross or think breasts are sexual objects only. And often moms simply choose not to breastfeed because it's not what they want to do. That's okay. There's no law that says you have to nurse your kid. I know that doesn't fly well with some of the extreme members of La Leche League, but I think a happy mom is what's best for baby.
If I had a toddler to take care of while struggling as much as I did in the beginning, there's NO WAY I would have continued. It was simply too much work that required too much time. I'm glad that I did continue, but it's not the best thing for every mom. I understand that, and I believe we need to trust moms to know what's best for their families.
Stay at Home vs. Work Outside the Home
This subject can be even more delicate. I made the decision to stay at home with the Bean when she was about a year old. It was a tough decision and I thought about it for MONTHS before actually turning in my resignation. Ultimately, for me, it's what worked best. But I don't think it makes me a "full-time" mom, while working outside the home makes women "part-time" moms (yes, that's how I've heard it described). I think some women love their job. Some women love the freedom of working outside the home. Some women need the paycheck. Some women want to set the example that you can have it all. These are all valid reasons to work outside the home (and I'm sure there are many more). Again, I think moms know what is best for them and their families.
What I don't like are people who act like a stay-at-home mom has turned her back on her education or the hard work that other women have done for the last generation or so to give us the right to work outside the home. I am a college educated woman who worked for nearly a decade before choosing to work from home. For me, I felt like 2 different people. The mom and the woman at work who was wishing she was home with her kid. That wasn't productive for my company or for my mental health. I needed to be where I wanted to be. My goals changed and things that were important pre-baby, weren't that important to me anymore. I loved my job, but in the end it just wasn't enough for me. But it doesn't have to be that way. I know some amazing moms who work outside the home. They are an inspiration and I know they are happy, so that's all you can ask for.
Moral of story, I'm just tired of seeing people knock other people's choices. Do what works for your family and you can't go wrong.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Can't We All Just Get Along?
Today I get to talk about about one of my pet peeves. I can't stand when people don't agree with me and believe they are superior for their thinking while I must be a complete idiot for not following suit. Why can't we agree to disagree? Yes, I recognize the fact that I am a people pleaser and the thought of someone not liking me makes my tummy hurt. Whatever. I've got some issues to work on. Don't we all? But would the world be such a bad place if we all actually considered other people's feelings before we blurted out whatever popped into our head?
Take for instance a recent discussion where someone mentioned a natural childbirth and everyone looked at me b/c they know that's what I chose to have with the Bean. I said it worked for me and was a beautiful experience, BUT I recognize that everyone has a choice and whatever you choose for yourself is cool. A woman I don't really know said, "You know they don't give you a trophy for doing it without drugs." Wow. I never said they gave me a trophy or that I expected a standing ovation for MY CHOICE.
Again, why can't people realize that whatever my opinion is -- it does NOT mean that I'm slamming their opinion? And if they realize that, why would they then take cheap shots back at my choices? I would NEVER tell someone who had an epidural, "Gosh, I guess you just weren't tough enough to handle it." You know why? MANY reasons:
1. Because I honestly don't believe that “toughness” has anything to do with it.
2. Because childbirth isn't a contest.
3. Because I respect your right to choose whatever you want to do.
4. Because every woman's labor is different and she should be allowed to choose whatever she needs to have the experience she wants.
5. Because it's simply rude.
So why is it so hard for others to recognize that what they say -- intentionally or unintentionally -- can hurt someone's feelings or anger them? I know that I'm on the extreme side of this scale where I don't ever want to say anything that might possibly cause someone to think I'm offending them. Okay, you don't have to come over to my level of crazy, but people could at least show some common courtesy.
I know that the person who made the "trophy" comment wasn't saying it to be hurtful or rude, it was just her opinion. That's fine. I’m not offended by it. However, it just leapt out at me as one more comment in a long list that I've received over about my choice to have a drug-free birth. From the common, "WHY would you CHOOSE that?" to the more crabby comments of "Are you trying to be SuperWoman?" to the downright rude, "Would you have your appendix removed without drugs? NO! So why would you choose to endure the pain of childbirth? That's just crazy."
Maybe hearing this over and over makes me a little oversensitive on this subject. Probably so. But I would never judge anyone for her choice in the delivery room. It's your body and your baby. You know what's best for you. But you sure as heck don't know what's best for me. So I vote that everyone should just follow the rule we learned in first grade: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that childbirth is painful. It's that women are strong." -- Laura Stavoe Harm
Take for instance a recent discussion where someone mentioned a natural childbirth and everyone looked at me b/c they know that's what I chose to have with the Bean. I said it worked for me and was a beautiful experience, BUT I recognize that everyone has a choice and whatever you choose for yourself is cool. A woman I don't really know said, "You know they don't give you a trophy for doing it without drugs." Wow. I never said they gave me a trophy or that I expected a standing ovation for MY CHOICE.
Again, why can't people realize that whatever my opinion is -- it does NOT mean that I'm slamming their opinion? And if they realize that, why would they then take cheap shots back at my choices? I would NEVER tell someone who had an epidural, "Gosh, I guess you just weren't tough enough to handle it." You know why? MANY reasons:
1. Because I honestly don't believe that “toughness” has anything to do with it.
2. Because childbirth isn't a contest.
3. Because I respect your right to choose whatever you want to do.
4. Because every woman's labor is different and she should be allowed to choose whatever she needs to have the experience she wants.
5. Because it's simply rude.
So why is it so hard for others to recognize that what they say -- intentionally or unintentionally -- can hurt someone's feelings or anger them? I know that I'm on the extreme side of this scale where I don't ever want to say anything that might possibly cause someone to think I'm offending them. Okay, you don't have to come over to my level of crazy, but people could at least show some common courtesy.
I know that the person who made the "trophy" comment wasn't saying it to be hurtful or rude, it was just her opinion. That's fine. I’m not offended by it. However, it just leapt out at me as one more comment in a long list that I've received over about my choice to have a drug-free birth. From the common, "WHY would you CHOOSE that?" to the more crabby comments of "Are you trying to be SuperWoman?" to the downright rude, "Would you have your appendix removed without drugs? NO! So why would you choose to endure the pain of childbirth? That's just crazy."
Maybe hearing this over and over makes me a little oversensitive on this subject. Probably so. But I would never judge anyone for her choice in the delivery room. It's your body and your baby. You know what's best for you. But you sure as heck don't know what's best for me. So I vote that everyone should just follow the rule we learned in first grade: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that childbirth is painful. It's that women are strong." -- Laura Stavoe Harm
Friday, January 8, 2010
What's More Difficult: running a marathon or giving birth naturally?
I can tell you that both are rare. Less than 6% of American women choose to give birth naturally (that means no epidural or other medication). When it comes to marathoning the numbers get even slimmer. Only .1 of 1% of the U.S. population has run a marathon. That’s a very select group!
So which is more difficult? As someone who has experienced both (2 marathons and 1 natural childbirth) I get asked this a lot, so I will compare the 4 keys (in my mind anyway) to both experiences and ultimately tell you which I think was the most difficult.
Okay, I warn you this will be a long entry because childbirth is a topic that is near and dear to me. Also this blog entry comes with a disclaimer that this is strictly my experience and not to be confused with how I believe ALL women should make their choices. People are free to make their own choices, so don’t think I’m knocking anyone who chooses something different than me.
1. Perseverance – This is the most striking (and most necessary) trait that both endeavors require. When running a marathon or when giving birth naturally, you need to be able to push yourself to the limit.
Running: To run a marathon, you have to find your limit, jump over it and keep going. In marathoning it’s called hitting “the wall” and every serious runner has experienced it. For me it was around Mile 17 of the race. It’s hard to explain the wall to someone who’s never felt it (again, like childbirth) but it’s like you can actually feel your body shutting down. Your lungs are on fire, your legs are burning and you may even feel sick to your stomach (many runners have rushed to the porta-johns along the course to either heave or take care of other urgent bodily functions). You start to doubt yourself and why you were crazy enough to sign up for this. You question your ability to finish. You question your sanity. You simply question everything because you’ve got the time and it’s just you and the road on which you’re running.
Childbirth: Hitting “the wall” in childbirth is most often when you experience transition. This is the stage of labor when you are between 7-10 cm and it’s the last hurdle to overcome BEFORE you can start pushing. For me this was the longest stage of labor. I felt my first contraction at 8pm and it just felt like a menstrual cramp or muscle cramp (for you guys who’ve never known the joy of lady cramps). It only lasted about 10 seconds and was mildly uncomfortable. Two hours later they were 10 minutes apart and longer, maybe 30-45 seconds each. Still uncomfortable, but certainly not excruciating. I didn’t go to the hospital until about 3am (7 hours into my labor), when the contractions were about 2-3 min apart, extremely uncomfortable and, oh yeah, my water broke on the bath mat upstairs in our bathroom (by the way, the mat was quickly replaced).
2. Choices/Training – The power to make your own decisions and choices is critical to achieving a lofty goal. Clearly training for a race is a lot different than “training” for childbirth, but there are some similarities.
Running: I followed a strict 18-week running schedule to train for my last marathon (I trained similarly for the first marathon as well, but I was 21 years old and my body went a lot farther with less training back then). I also had to be in good shape to even begin the training schedule, so I had started running regularly for about 2 months BEFORE marathon training. So I spent more than 6 months working in preparation for the big event. By the end of training I was running about 35-40 miles a week. That takes a lot of time, effort and extreme dedication to stay focused on the prize.
Childbirth: Before giving birth, I had made choices crucial to my plan to stay natural. I decided who I wanted in the room with me, what options I was going to try to manage my pain and that I did not want certain “medical necessities” because they were not necessary for me. This includes having an IV (you don’t need one unless you get an epidural or other medication – it gets in the way and keeps you from moving around) and continuous electronic monitoring (the monitor they strap around your belly to see the baby’s heart rate and your contractions). Here’s the deal – I know when I’m having a contraction because I am unmedicated, so no need to read it on a piece of paper. Not to mention when the monitor is on, everyone in the room has a natural tendency to focus on that instead of focusing on the hard working mommy-to-be.
For those reasons, I chose to have intermittent monitoring which has the exact same outcome rates for infants who are monitored continuously. This allowed me to move freely. For me that meant standing in the shower in my hospital room for an hour and a half because the warm water on my back relieved (well, dulled) the pain. A nurse would come in every half an hour, hold a monitor to my belly and listen through an entire contraction and then off she’d go so I could let my body do the work it was designed to do.
3. Confidence/Attitude – You have to feel confident and believe in your choices to achieve goals. I think Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” That’s a powerful statement and it’s true in both childbirth and marathoning.
Running: My goal was never to win the marathon (hello, I’m not Kenyan or freakishly fit) but I wanted to finish strong. I had injuries along the way –and lots of pain during the race – but I always knew that I could finish. I believed in myself and knew I had the strength it took to finish. It’s easy to doubt yourself, but having the right mind set is the only way to achieve anything difficult.
Confidence peaks during “runner’s high.” You may have heard of or experienced this phenomenon. I’ve never taken drugs, but it’s got to be the closest you can feel to being high on some great drugs. For me it usually happens around mile 8-9. At first I’m holding back or anxious when starting out on a big run, but at about 8-9 miles, I feel like I could fly. Your endorphins pump you up and make you feel untouchable. This also happens in childbirth, but I never had a moment as obvious as this except while running.
Childbirth: Attitude is the only thing you can control when you are having a baby. How you choose to use it determines a lot of your experience. When I got to the hospital at 3am I was beginning transition and was about 7cm dilated. This means I did a lot of the work at home where I felt comfortable, could move around freely and didn’t feel pressured to “speed things up.” Transition is when I felt the most actual pain. The contractions were basically one on top of the other with only 30 seconds to 1 min between them where I could catch my breath and rest. To describe childbirth is difficult, but basically -- at its most intense – the contractions felt like a strong muscle cramp in my stomach that lasted no more than 1 minute, but they squeezed so tightly that I could barely remember to breathe. Which is why the whole Lamaze “Hee-Hee-Hoh” breathing was started, you can actually FORGET to breathe when you are so overwhelmed.
But as intense as it was, I felt like this is what my body is supposed to be doing. Labor is WORK. And with contractions coming and going like waves hitting the shore, I knew that each one was bringing me closer and closer to meeting my baby for the first time. Having that attitude made it easier for me to remain focused than if I had constantly complained about the pain the whole time. I had to make a mental choice to have a different perspective on the situation to maintain my sense of confidence.
4. Natural ability – I think everyone has a different threshold for pain. What one person may feel is a terrible pain, may only be slightly uncomfortable for someone else. I believe that I have a slightly higher than average threshold for pain. I’m not sure if that comes naturally or if it’s just years of playing sports or what. I’m certainly not Wonder Woman (although her super sweet invisible plane would be fantastic), but I can hold my own when it comes to working through my pain/discomfort.
Running: I know I am not designed to be a distance runner. I don’t have the lung capacity to run without being out of breath and my knees simply can’t take the repeated force. However, I do have the ability to push through it. This was clear on race day when I started feeling pain in right knee at Mile 5 of the marathon. It gradually got more and more intense until it blew out by Mile 11. It felt like knives were stabbing me under my knee cap with every step. Every SINGLE step. Only 15.2 more miles to go. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” This became my motto. I knew I had worked too hard for too long to quit now.
The last 5 miles of a marathon is similar to pushing during child birth. You’re exhausted, probably hungry and you just want to be finished already. The important thing is to recognize that everyone going through this experience feels the same way.
Childbirth: I was between 9 and 10 cm for more than an hour and a half. I was so tired (partly because I labored all night) that I actually fell asleep several times between contractions for the brief min or so before the next one would come. This was by far the most difficult part of childbirth. But finally my body was ready, I pushed for about 45 minutes and the Bean was born! Again, every woman is different, and so is her natural threshold of pain, the cards she is dealt and her overall birth experience.
The Big Decision: Which Is More Difficult?
For me, giving birth naturally was way more intense, but it had a greater reward and allowed me to take breaks between contractions. Marathoning was contstant, relentless, and not at all what my body was naturally designed to do (at least with not my worn-out knees).
It’s a tough call, but I think running a marathon was more difficult for me, but giving birth was overall more intense. The key difference is that pain when used in the right context, serves a purpose. Pain in my knees while running is harsh and unnecessary, but pain that brings me closer to becoming a mother is a beautiful part of the design of my body. Both experiences left me feeling empowered!
So which is more difficult? As someone who has experienced both (2 marathons and 1 natural childbirth) I get asked this a lot, so I will compare the 4 keys (in my mind anyway) to both experiences and ultimately tell you which I think was the most difficult.
Okay, I warn you this will be a long entry because childbirth is a topic that is near and dear to me. Also this blog entry comes with a disclaimer that this is strictly my experience and not to be confused with how I believe ALL women should make their choices. People are free to make their own choices, so don’t think I’m knocking anyone who chooses something different than me.
1. Perseverance – This is the most striking (and most necessary) trait that both endeavors require. When running a marathon or when giving birth naturally, you need to be able to push yourself to the limit.
Running: To run a marathon, you have to find your limit, jump over it and keep going. In marathoning it’s called hitting “the wall” and every serious runner has experienced it. For me it was around Mile 17 of the race. It’s hard to explain the wall to someone who’s never felt it (again, like childbirth) but it’s like you can actually feel your body shutting down. Your lungs are on fire, your legs are burning and you may even feel sick to your stomach (many runners have rushed to the porta-johns along the course to either heave or take care of other urgent bodily functions). You start to doubt yourself and why you were crazy enough to sign up for this. You question your ability to finish. You question your sanity. You simply question everything because you’ve got the time and it’s just you and the road on which you’re running.
Childbirth: Hitting “the wall” in childbirth is most often when you experience transition. This is the stage of labor when you are between 7-10 cm and it’s the last hurdle to overcome BEFORE you can start pushing. For me this was the longest stage of labor. I felt my first contraction at 8pm and it just felt like a menstrual cramp or muscle cramp (for you guys who’ve never known the joy of lady cramps). It only lasted about 10 seconds and was mildly uncomfortable. Two hours later they were 10 minutes apart and longer, maybe 30-45 seconds each. Still uncomfortable, but certainly not excruciating. I didn’t go to the hospital until about 3am (7 hours into my labor), when the contractions were about 2-3 min apart, extremely uncomfortable and, oh yeah, my water broke on the bath mat upstairs in our bathroom (by the way, the mat was quickly replaced).
2. Choices/Training – The power to make your own decisions and choices is critical to achieving a lofty goal. Clearly training for a race is a lot different than “training” for childbirth, but there are some similarities.
Running: I followed a strict 18-week running schedule to train for my last marathon (I trained similarly for the first marathon as well, but I was 21 years old and my body went a lot farther with less training back then). I also had to be in good shape to even begin the training schedule, so I had started running regularly for about 2 months BEFORE marathon training. So I spent more than 6 months working in preparation for the big event. By the end of training I was running about 35-40 miles a week. That takes a lot of time, effort and extreme dedication to stay focused on the prize.
Childbirth: Before giving birth, I had made choices crucial to my plan to stay natural. I decided who I wanted in the room with me, what options I was going to try to manage my pain and that I did not want certain “medical necessities” because they were not necessary for me. This includes having an IV (you don’t need one unless you get an epidural or other medication – it gets in the way and keeps you from moving around) and continuous electronic monitoring (the monitor they strap around your belly to see the baby’s heart rate and your contractions). Here’s the deal – I know when I’m having a contraction because I am unmedicated, so no need to read it on a piece of paper. Not to mention when the monitor is on, everyone in the room has a natural tendency to focus on that instead of focusing on the hard working mommy-to-be.
For those reasons, I chose to have intermittent monitoring which has the exact same outcome rates for infants who are monitored continuously. This allowed me to move freely. For me that meant standing in the shower in my hospital room for an hour and a half because the warm water on my back relieved (well, dulled) the pain. A nurse would come in every half an hour, hold a monitor to my belly and listen through an entire contraction and then off she’d go so I could let my body do the work it was designed to do.
3. Confidence/Attitude – You have to feel confident and believe in your choices to achieve goals. I think Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” That’s a powerful statement and it’s true in both childbirth and marathoning.
Running: My goal was never to win the marathon (hello, I’m not Kenyan or freakishly fit) but I wanted to finish strong. I had injuries along the way –and lots of pain during the race – but I always knew that I could finish. I believed in myself and knew I had the strength it took to finish. It’s easy to doubt yourself, but having the right mind set is the only way to achieve anything difficult.
Confidence peaks during “runner’s high.” You may have heard of or experienced this phenomenon. I’ve never taken drugs, but it’s got to be the closest you can feel to being high on some great drugs. For me it usually happens around mile 8-9. At first I’m holding back or anxious when starting out on a big run, but at about 8-9 miles, I feel like I could fly. Your endorphins pump you up and make you feel untouchable. This also happens in childbirth, but I never had a moment as obvious as this except while running.
Childbirth: Attitude is the only thing you can control when you are having a baby. How you choose to use it determines a lot of your experience. When I got to the hospital at 3am I was beginning transition and was about 7cm dilated. This means I did a lot of the work at home where I felt comfortable, could move around freely and didn’t feel pressured to “speed things up.” Transition is when I felt the most actual pain. The contractions were basically one on top of the other with only 30 seconds to 1 min between them where I could catch my breath and rest. To describe childbirth is difficult, but basically -- at its most intense – the contractions felt like a strong muscle cramp in my stomach that lasted no more than 1 minute, but they squeezed so tightly that I could barely remember to breathe. Which is why the whole Lamaze “Hee-Hee-Hoh” breathing was started, you can actually FORGET to breathe when you are so overwhelmed.
But as intense as it was, I felt like this is what my body is supposed to be doing. Labor is WORK. And with contractions coming and going like waves hitting the shore, I knew that each one was bringing me closer and closer to meeting my baby for the first time. Having that attitude made it easier for me to remain focused than if I had constantly complained about the pain the whole time. I had to make a mental choice to have a different perspective on the situation to maintain my sense of confidence.
4. Natural ability – I think everyone has a different threshold for pain. What one person may feel is a terrible pain, may only be slightly uncomfortable for someone else. I believe that I have a slightly higher than average threshold for pain. I’m not sure if that comes naturally or if it’s just years of playing sports or what. I’m certainly not Wonder Woman (although her super sweet invisible plane would be fantastic), but I can hold my own when it comes to working through my pain/discomfort.
Running: I know I am not designed to be a distance runner. I don’t have the lung capacity to run without being out of breath and my knees simply can’t take the repeated force. However, I do have the ability to push through it. This was clear on race day when I started feeling pain in right knee at Mile 5 of the marathon. It gradually got more and more intense until it blew out by Mile 11. It felt like knives were stabbing me under my knee cap with every step. Every SINGLE step. Only 15.2 more miles to go. “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” This became my motto. I knew I had worked too hard for too long to quit now.
The last 5 miles of a marathon is similar to pushing during child birth. You’re exhausted, probably hungry and you just want to be finished already. The important thing is to recognize that everyone going through this experience feels the same way.
Childbirth: I was between 9 and 10 cm for more than an hour and a half. I was so tired (partly because I labored all night) that I actually fell asleep several times between contractions for the brief min or so before the next one would come. This was by far the most difficult part of childbirth. But finally my body was ready, I pushed for about 45 minutes and the Bean was born! Again, every woman is different, and so is her natural threshold of pain, the cards she is dealt and her overall birth experience.
The Big Decision: Which Is More Difficult?
For me, giving birth naturally was way more intense, but it had a greater reward and allowed me to take breaks between contractions. Marathoning was contstant, relentless, and not at all what my body was naturally designed to do (at least with not my worn-out knees).
It’s a tough call, but I think running a marathon was more difficult for me, but giving birth was overall more intense. The key difference is that pain when used in the right context, serves a purpose. Pain in my knees while running is harsh and unnecessary, but pain that brings me closer to becoming a mother is a beautiful part of the design of my body. Both experiences left me feeling empowered!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Worry Just Comes with the Job
If you are a parent, you know about worry. If you're not, I'm sure you've experienced worry at some point in your life. But the kind of parental worry I'm talking about is a mind-numbing, constant cloud of worry. It comes in waves and there are times it is barely present and other times when it is impossible to think of anything but the worry. My goal is to keep a healthy balance of worry (if something is really wrong, you should be worried -- it's a sign that you're a good parent).
For me, the worry started when I found out I was pregnant with the Bean. Suddenly I questioned everything that I put in my mouth: "Is this good for the baby?" That meant an end to my morning routine of a Diet Coke because too much caffeine is a bad thing and I didn't want to take any chances. Sure I had the rare soda here and there, but I would feel guilty afterward like I was harming my innocent child. The nagging worry involved more than food. I didn't get my hair highlighted when I was pregnant for fear the chemicals could be harmful. If you've ever sat in the hair salon for 2 hours smelling the chemicals or felt the burning sting of the hair dye on your scalp, then you know that stuff is not organic and if it burns my scalp, surely it must not be GOOD for the baby. So not only was I sleepy because I had no caffeine, my hair also looked like a hot mess (gray hair and all) because I didn't want to risk anything. Wow, I love my kid.
Then worry hit an all-time peak for my late in my pregnancy. When I was about 34-35 weeks along (about 6 weeks to go before the due date), I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios. It's a fancy word that just means I had too much amniotic fluid. Suddenly I went for having a perfect pregnancy to becoming high risk. I had to go to the doctor twice a week for the rest of my pregnancy. Once a week they would do an ultrasound to measure how much fluid I had and the other appointment was for a weekly non-stress test (where they hook you up to a machine and listen to the baby's heart rate and make sure the baby moves enough).
"Non-stress" Test Is an Oxymoron
A non-stress test is a stupid name for a test that can be SUPER stressful. If the baby's heart rate dips too low for too long (called a deceleration), the doctors believe the baby needs to be born IMMEDIATELY. This happened to me during one of my many non-stress tests. The heart rate dipped and my doctor came in and calmly informed me that I would have to to go to the hospital (2 minutes away) and if the heart rate didn't settle down, they would induce me and the Bean would be born THAT DAY. If that doesn't make you almost pee your pants (and when you're pregnant, that's always a valid concern), then you're not paying attention. During my 4-hour hospital stay that day, the heart rate was perfect and I was allowed to go home. Luckily for me, my sister is a labor and delivery nurse, so she was always there helping me stay calm. She told me to lay on my side and that almost always corrects the decelerations. Basically the baby is more comfortable if you are on your side, so the heart rate is more likely to be normal.
SHEESH... as if that wasn't enough to freak me out, the real issue with the polyhdramnios is that it can linked to heart defects. So I had a fetal echocardiogram, which means they did an ultrasound of the baby's heart while I was still pregnant. They couldn't get a good look (imagine that... my ribs were in the way), so we had to wait until the day she was born to do an echo on her heart. For the rest of the pregnancy we weren't sure if she if she had a heart defect (an aorta coarctation--when the aorta is too narrow and has to be surgically widened) that the cardiologist thought might be to blame. If she did have the defect, we would have to take an ambulance ride 2 hours away to another hospital so she could have open heart surgery to repair the defect in the first 2 days of her life. SERIOUSLY. I cried so much that last month that I started to worry that I was worrying too much and that my state of stress would be bad for the Bean.
The day she was born was the happiest day of my life, but it was still one of the scariest days. The minute I held her, I felt this incredible love that had never existed before. I had felt her move for months, but to see her and hold her it was different. Instantly I knew that I would give my life for hers without question. Yet I was so afraid that something would be wrong with her heart. We didn't have to wait much longer because she had an echo when she was about 8 hours (that's right, HOURS) old. The cardiologist said there was no heart defect, but... (there's always a but with doctors)... he thought one of the valves of her heart may not be "textbook." He said it wouldn't be a problem for her, but he wanted to see her for a check up before she was 2 years old.
Today was that check up. I haven't sleep well for about 3 days because I've been so consumed with worry. I am happy to report that she got a clean bill of health today and there is NO problem with her valve. Turns out we've been worrying all this time for nothing. I feel more relieved that happy, but I'm sure happy will creep back in soon.
What did I learn from this experience (other than enough medical jargon to fake it as a doctor on Grey's Anatomy)?
1. The medical community over tests -- In a world of malpractice lawsuits, the healthcare system is set up in a CYA (Cover Your A*&) manner. So they have to test, which leads to more inconclusive tests, and many times there was no problem to start with. A lot of headache for no reason.
2. Count your blessings -- the best way to relieve stress, for me, is to take a minute and literally count my blessings. If you focus on the things for which you should be grateful, suddenly the glass is half full.
3. I have amazing friends and family -- While I was stressed and freaked out, I had so many friends help me. From bringing us food to praying for us to just sending me a note to say they were thinking of us, there's no way we could have made it through this with any sanity without our friends and family.
We still don't know what caused me to have too much amniotic fluid, but it did drop back to the normal range about 2 weeks before she was born. Apparently 50% of the time, it just corrects itself and there is no problem. So this really was much ado about nothing. I am just grateful that I have a healthy Bean!
For me, the worry started when I found out I was pregnant with the Bean. Suddenly I questioned everything that I put in my mouth: "Is this good for the baby?" That meant an end to my morning routine of a Diet Coke because too much caffeine is a bad thing and I didn't want to take any chances. Sure I had the rare soda here and there, but I would feel guilty afterward like I was harming my innocent child. The nagging worry involved more than food. I didn't get my hair highlighted when I was pregnant for fear the chemicals could be harmful. If you've ever sat in the hair salon for 2 hours smelling the chemicals or felt the burning sting of the hair dye on your scalp, then you know that stuff is not organic and if it burns my scalp, surely it must not be GOOD for the baby. So not only was I sleepy because I had no caffeine, my hair also looked like a hot mess (gray hair and all) because I didn't want to risk anything. Wow, I love my kid.
Then worry hit an all-time peak for my late in my pregnancy. When I was about 34-35 weeks along (about 6 weeks to go before the due date), I was diagnosed with polyhydramnios. It's a fancy word that just means I had too much amniotic fluid. Suddenly I went for having a perfect pregnancy to becoming high risk. I had to go to the doctor twice a week for the rest of my pregnancy. Once a week they would do an ultrasound to measure how much fluid I had and the other appointment was for a weekly non-stress test (where they hook you up to a machine and listen to the baby's heart rate and make sure the baby moves enough).
"Non-stress" Test Is an Oxymoron
A non-stress test is a stupid name for a test that can be SUPER stressful. If the baby's heart rate dips too low for too long (called a deceleration), the doctors believe the baby needs to be born IMMEDIATELY. This happened to me during one of my many non-stress tests. The heart rate dipped and my doctor came in and calmly informed me that I would have to to go to the hospital (2 minutes away) and if the heart rate didn't settle down, they would induce me and the Bean would be born THAT DAY. If that doesn't make you almost pee your pants (and when you're pregnant, that's always a valid concern), then you're not paying attention. During my 4-hour hospital stay that day, the heart rate was perfect and I was allowed to go home. Luckily for me, my sister is a labor and delivery nurse, so she was always there helping me stay calm. She told me to lay on my side and that almost always corrects the decelerations. Basically the baby is more comfortable if you are on your side, so the heart rate is more likely to be normal.
SHEESH... as if that wasn't enough to freak me out, the real issue with the polyhdramnios is that it can linked to heart defects. So I had a fetal echocardiogram, which means they did an ultrasound of the baby's heart while I was still pregnant. They couldn't get a good look (imagine that... my ribs were in the way), so we had to wait until the day she was born to do an echo on her heart. For the rest of the pregnancy we weren't sure if she if she had a heart defect (an aorta coarctation--when the aorta is too narrow and has to be surgically widened) that the cardiologist thought might be to blame. If she did have the defect, we would have to take an ambulance ride 2 hours away to another hospital so she could have open heart surgery to repair the defect in the first 2 days of her life. SERIOUSLY. I cried so much that last month that I started to worry that I was worrying too much and that my state of stress would be bad for the Bean.
The day she was born was the happiest day of my life, but it was still one of the scariest days. The minute I held her, I felt this incredible love that had never existed before. I had felt her move for months, but to see her and hold her it was different. Instantly I knew that I would give my life for hers without question. Yet I was so afraid that something would be wrong with her heart. We didn't have to wait much longer because she had an echo when she was about 8 hours (that's right, HOURS) old. The cardiologist said there was no heart defect, but... (there's always a but with doctors)... he thought one of the valves of her heart may not be "textbook." He said it wouldn't be a problem for her, but he wanted to see her for a check up before she was 2 years old.
Today was that check up. I haven't sleep well for about 3 days because I've been so consumed with worry. I am happy to report that she got a clean bill of health today and there is NO problem with her valve. Turns out we've been worrying all this time for nothing. I feel more relieved that happy, but I'm sure happy will creep back in soon.
What did I learn from this experience (other than enough medical jargon to fake it as a doctor on Grey's Anatomy)?
1. The medical community over tests -- In a world of malpractice lawsuits, the healthcare system is set up in a CYA (Cover Your A*&) manner. So they have to test, which leads to more inconclusive tests, and many times there was no problem to start with. A lot of headache for no reason.
2. Count your blessings -- the best way to relieve stress, for me, is to take a minute and literally count my blessings. If you focus on the things for which you should be grateful, suddenly the glass is half full.
3. I have amazing friends and family -- While I was stressed and freaked out, I had so many friends help me. From bringing us food to praying for us to just sending me a note to say they were thinking of us, there's no way we could have made it through this with any sanity without our friends and family.
We still don't know what caused me to have too much amniotic fluid, but it did drop back to the normal range about 2 weeks before she was born. Apparently 50% of the time, it just corrects itself and there is no problem. So this really was much ado about nothing. I am just grateful that I have a healthy Bean!
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year, Still Can't Keep Up
Can someone please tell me how kids under the age of 4 have more energy naturally than I have if I drank 10 Mt. Dews? My daughter is just under 2 years old and there are days when I am dragging because I'm so tired and she is literally running laps in our house. Take today for instance. It is New Year's Day and this is a day I'd like to sleep in. And by "sleep in" I mean sleep past 7:30am -- crazy talk in my world. I might as well ask for flying ponies, or better yet, for my legs to look like Fergie's so I could rock mini skirts everywhere I went (okay, so as fantastic as that last wish would be, it would be a smidge impractical to dress like a hoochie mama while actually being someone's mama).
To give you a little background, last night on New Year's Eve we had some friends over and my little Bean went to bed at her regular time at 8:15ish. She slept great until about 11:45pm when she probably heard all the commotion of us getting ready to start the countdown to midnight. She woke up furious, so I brought her downstairs to the party and she was happy to ring in 2010 with Mommy, Daddy and our friends. After everyone left, she wanted to continue the party and stayed awake until 1am. My husband, M, and I hoped she'd be tired and sleep late in the morning. WRONG!
She was bright eyed and bushy tailed (what a ridiculous expression -- you know who probably came up with that? A MORNING PERSON... grrrr...) at 6am. Fabulous. She was not only awake, but happy, refreshed and FULL of energy. How does that happen? I'm NOT a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, but today it was more that that. I was simply exhausted. Trying to be excited when she brings me a book to read or a toy to play with can be difficult when I'm exhausted, but it's just part of motherhood. Luckily today she ran out of energy about 9am and went down for a morning nap (which she no longer takes), so we happily obliged her. I definitely took a fantastic 2-hour nap while she did the same.
Naps are extremely underrated in my opinion. I would take a power nap every day if I could, but of course that's rarely possible. The Bean only takes one nap a day in the afternoon (today excluded because of her long night), so her naptime is typically my time to get things done. From cleaning up the tornado she has left behind, to household chores, to actual writing for work. Did I mention that I still work from home part time as a writer for the company I used to work for full time before becoming a SAHM (stay-at-home mom)? It's a great gig and I love my work, but it means I have a lot to do while she naps, which doesn't leave me any time to nap.
If I could find a way to bottle the energy of little kids, I'd be a ka-biz-nillionaire (yeah, it's a real word). Red Bull has got nothing on the energy of a kid first thing in the morning. Maybe tomorrow I could just take a moment to watch her with wonder and be in awe of her ability to greet the day with such sweet, pure joy. Maybe I could do that... if I wasn't so tired.
To give you a little background, last night on New Year's Eve we had some friends over and my little Bean went to bed at her regular time at 8:15ish. She slept great until about 11:45pm when she probably heard all the commotion of us getting ready to start the countdown to midnight. She woke up furious, so I brought her downstairs to the party and she was happy to ring in 2010 with Mommy, Daddy and our friends. After everyone left, she wanted to continue the party and stayed awake until 1am. My husband, M, and I hoped she'd be tired and sleep late in the morning. WRONG!
She was bright eyed and bushy tailed (what a ridiculous expression -- you know who probably came up with that? A MORNING PERSON... grrrr...) at 6am. Fabulous. She was not only awake, but happy, refreshed and FULL of energy. How does that happen? I'm NOT a morning person by any stretch of the imagination, but today it was more that that. I was simply exhausted. Trying to be excited when she brings me a book to read or a toy to play with can be difficult when I'm exhausted, but it's just part of motherhood. Luckily today she ran out of energy about 9am and went down for a morning nap (which she no longer takes), so we happily obliged her. I definitely took a fantastic 2-hour nap while she did the same.
Naps are extremely underrated in my opinion. I would take a power nap every day if I could, but of course that's rarely possible. The Bean only takes one nap a day in the afternoon (today excluded because of her long night), so her naptime is typically my time to get things done. From cleaning up the tornado she has left behind, to household chores, to actual writing for work. Did I mention that I still work from home part time as a writer for the company I used to work for full time before becoming a SAHM (stay-at-home mom)? It's a great gig and I love my work, but it means I have a lot to do while she naps, which doesn't leave me any time to nap.
If I could find a way to bottle the energy of little kids, I'd be a ka-biz-nillionaire (yeah, it's a real word). Red Bull has got nothing on the energy of a kid first thing in the morning. Maybe tomorrow I could just take a moment to watch her with wonder and be in awe of her ability to greet the day with such sweet, pure joy. Maybe I could do that... if I wasn't so tired.
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