Potty Training = Chaos

How do you define chaos? Potty training at our house.

It's time. I put it off as long as possible because the Bean was barely turning 2 years old when I was about 25 months pregnant with the twins. Okay, so maybe it wasn't 25 months, but when you have 2 people in your belly, your belly is 48 inches in circumference and you add 55 pounds, it is much more challenging to do -- well, ANYTHING -- let alone bend over and help with potty training. Once the babies arrived, I was having a good day if everyone was fed, changed and still breathing. It's THAT hard. Seriously. But it's finally slowed down from a daily sprint that requires every ounce of everything I have to give. Now it's more a paced run.

Our little Bean is 3 years old. The twins are 9 months old and things have finally settled into a routine (yet a ridiculously busy and still-difficult-at-times routine). Since Bean is out of preschool for the summer, we're going hard core with potty training. That means big girl underwear all day -- except diapers overnight. Last Wednesday was the first real day of the new master plan (really just a half day, since she had preschool graduation in the morning). That first day there were some small successes and lots and lots and LOTS of messy floors, wet underwear, trips to the potty, and even some tears mixed with a few cheers.

Multitasking to A Whole New Level

Day 1: In the afternoon while I was breastfeeding Baby A, the Bean had a potty accident and peed on the floor. I rushed her to the bathroom while still nursing the baby. As I was cleaning the Bean up, Baby B wanted to know what we were doing and crawled through the pee pee puddle to find us! Awesome. More cleaning for me. Our new front loading washer and dryer were certainly put to the test yesterday. As was my patience.


DAY 1: The Bean did actually pee and poop in the potty once. Small victories in a day filled with messes and crying babies and one STRESSED out mom.


WEEK 1: She now understands to go to the potty and gets to the potty pretty much every time. Yesterday she had a GREAT day with only 1 minor accident. Today she has peed in her underwear (while sitting on the potty) about 10 times.

I want to bang my head against a wall, but I understand that with potty training it really is one step forward, two steps back. So I'm hoping this phase passes quickly. My patience and my sanity my not make it if I spend all summer doing this.

My Name Is Prince... And I Am Funky

Okay, so I have to break off from the usual posts about all things mommy related. Big news must be reported. BIG. I went to my first Prince concert this past weekend. Yes, I said PRINCE. As in Prince-then-The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Prince-but-now-known-as-Prince-again. That PRINCE.

Fan Is Short for Fanatic

As you may already know about me, I am the world's hugest Prince fan. Always have been. I remember the first time I heard him. I was at my grandma's house and my super-cool, older cousin, Missy, brought in a record she had just bought. It was Prince's "Purple Rain" and we listened to it on a record player. While I was only about 6-7 years old, I remember that the music was fun to dance to and since Missy liked it, I knew it had to be cool.

In middle school my best friend and I choreographed a short dance to "7" for some class that I can't even recall now. Once I was in middle school I could see past just the good beat of Prince's music and start to get a glimpse of his raw talent.

He is 5 foot 2 of pure sexiness.

His lyrics are blatantly obvious. No hidden message. It's no wonder why so much of his music has not been played on the radio. Even Tipper Gore got involved and his "Darlin' Nikki" back in the early 80s is the reason music now has the "Parental Discretion Advised" label. Now that is a powerful artist. His music isn't made for everyone, and certainly much of it is not suitable for children. However, for grown ups who want to hear it, he speaks his mind. That kind of honesty and openness is something most artists these days won't do.

In high school my Prince obsession exploded. I loved every song of his that I heard and searched to find older albums so I could experience even more. I would doodle in class (because who really wanted to pay attention in AP Government) and my doodle typically revolved around trying to write down as many Prince song titles as I could think of. I could get at least 50 in before the teacher would become suspicious of my sudden passion for note taking in his class and I would quickly turn the page. Also as a cheerleader, we did a dance number to the "Purple Medley" my senior year. It was choreographed by Holli -- a member of the squad who shares in my love of Prince and who also attended this weekend's concert with me.

I have tried to see him in concert before. He toured the East Coast my freshman year of college and I had planned to see him in South Carolina, but he cancelled the show before we got tickets. He hasn't even been back on the East Coast since 2004, so when Holli contacted me that Prince was going to be in Greensboro in 2 weeks, I KNEW we had to find a way to be there. We wanted to get the best seats possible and were lucky enough to get seats in the 2nd row! Holli and I went with her cousin, Meegan. I didn't know who Meegan was until she walked in the door and I recognized her as a girl I had grown up with and who had played on my sister's softball team when we were younger. Small world! Who knew we all had the same affection/obsession for Prince?!

Showtime

Chaka Khan opened for Prince and we got there in time to hear her last few songs (she only played about half an hour and traffic was a beast getting in to the show). She rocked "I'm Every Woman" and we were starting to get in the mood for the big show. Holli and Meegan had both seen Prince before and they were so excited to see the look on my face when he first stepped on stage.

The music started playing. D.M.S.R. (Dance. Music. Sex. Romance.). Suddenly he popped centerstage through an elevator and starting singing and dancing and I almost lost my mind! We each had hoped to hear our FAVORITE Prince song: Holli -- "Adore," Meegan -- "When Doves Cry," Me -- "Delirious." He played so many of his popular songs and yes, we each heard our favorite! I knew he wouldn't play some of his famous songs simply because since converting to a Jehovah's Witness, he doesn't curse anymore and well, that takes out a lot of his raunchy (and some would say, awesome) songs. He did manage to sing a couple of those songs by changing one line of the lyrics here and there. I'll take that.

I think we made eye contact with him several times during the show since we were seated so close. The most memorable for me was when after singing "When Doves Cry" he stopped and turned to face us while the crowd was going crazy. He looked right at me and I screamed like a teenager at a Beatles or Elvis concert. You know the ones that scream and cry and sometimes faint? That's what I looked like. The only difference in my experience and those back in the 1950s or 60s is that I was taking a cell phone video of that moment and when he looked at ME, you can hear me scream a high-pitched squeal and see the video get REALLY shaky. It's a moment that I'll never forget and I'm glad to have it on video.

To be fair I wasn't the only one feeling overwhelmed by the live experience of Prince. The two women next to us were sobbing when he played "Adore" as his final song. Not just crying. Sobbing.

I was a little worried that this concert wouldn't live up to my expectations. I've been anticipating it for more than 15 years. That's a lot of build up. He BLEW me away. His voice was perfect -- complete with the high-pitch, classic Prince sounds, his guitar playing was sensational and his dancing (including him slowly slithering across the stage to "Little Red Corvette") was exactly what you would expect from Prince. This was a concert of a lifetime for me and I'm so happy that I got to experience it. Best. Concert. Ever.

Setlist

Here's the full setlist thanks to some awesome website that keeps track.

1. D.M.S.R. (Dance. Music. Sex. Romance.)

2. Pop Life

3. Musicology

4. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough (a Michael Jackson cover when he pulled a lady in her 50s on stage to dance. Awesome.)

5. Cool (a cover of a Time song)

6. U Got the Look

7. Misty Blue

8. Rasberry Beret

9. Take Me With U

10. She's Always in My Hair

11. Controversy

12. Housequake

13. The Cross

14. Let's Go Crazy

15. Delirious

16. 1999

17. Little Red Corvette

18. Purple Rain (complete with purple confetti exploding in the air to give us all purple rain while the crowd sung along for what felt like 20 minutes. Beautiful. Amazing. Moving.)

Encore:

19. When Doves Cry

20. Nasty Girl

21. Darlin Nikki (it would have made Tipper Gore lose her mind)

22. Sign "O" the Times

23. Alphabet Street

24. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

25. The Bird (another Time cover -- you remember, Morris Day and the Time from the movie Purple Rain?)

Encore 2:

26. Jungle Love (the Time cover)

27. Love Rollercoaster (cover)

28. Play That Funky Music (AWESOME cover)

29. Which Way is Up

30. Kiss

31. If I Was Your Girlfriend (he sang this while dancing on top of the purple piano which was about 10 feet from our seats. A-maz-ing.)

32. Insatiable

33. Scandalous

34. Adore (Again, sung from on top of the piano right in front of us)

I Will Survive

So it's been 2 months since I blogged. What have I been doing in the meantime? The honest answer: surviving. Before I start singing Gloria Gaynor's anthem to women everywhere, I can say that things are getting easier and I WILL SURVIVE. Some days it feels like I'm treading water, just trying to keep my head from going under. This doesn't mean that I'm depressed or even unhappy -- quite the contrary --I'm just RIDICULOUSLY busy. I've tried to blog several times, but inevitably one or both babies start crying and my attention must go elsewhere.

While I certainly love all my babies (4 month old twins & a 2 yr old), I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the amount of work my children require of me on a daily basis. I constantly wish for a clone to help me be a diaper changer/human rocking chair-jungle gym/baby sleep whisper/breastfeeding goddess/singing comforter/book reader/imagination playland.

Here are a few thoughts on what has been going on in my life:

• Sleeping ALMOST through the night -- The twins are sleeping from about 10pm until 4am, so I'm usually getting up only once a night to feed them. HUGE! This is H-U-G-E! I'm now doing my "I'm getting sleep!" dance, but since you can't see me it's not as funny for you. I am SOOO happy to not feel like a zombie. Getting less than 3 consecutive hours of sleep every night for a month is God's cruel joke for new parents. I cannot be held responsible for how I looked or how I grumpily snapped at my husband during that stretch. I mean, really, I barely remember what day it was most of the time when I was that sleep deprived.
• BIG successes in breastfeeding -- I have gone from pumping 90 percent of the time to less than 20 percent of the time, so now I'm nursing much more often than pumping. I can't explain exactly what caused the shift, it's more a combination of things: the girls getting bigger and latching better and eating more efficiently. It has made a huge difference for me! Pumping is certainly faster than nursing, but it makes me feel like I can't leave the house. You can pull out a nursing cover and breastfeed your child in public, but not so much with the pump. No one needs to hear the WAH-ah, WAH-ah, WAH-ah sound of a breastpump except me. It's not exactly discreet. When I was breastfeeding my first child, I can't tell you how many times I had to find a random place to pump (like a restroom-YUCK) if I was at a work conference or outside my usual work routine. It always made me anixous to pump somewhere like that where other people would be coming in and out of the restroom and could obviously hear the pump. Some probably thought I was building a bomb in there since not every woman knows what a pump sounds like. Luckily my company had a "mommy room" for new moms to pump (at my husband's previous corporate job they had "lactation stations" on every floor -- FANTASTIC benefit for women who work there). Now there's a certain amount of freedom that comes with exclusively nursing. I even successfully nursed both babies simultaneously this week for the first time, so I know that is an option now.
• Finding a routine -- Those first 3 months are just about surviving. I've gone from feeding them 10-12 times a day to only 6 times. This is so much more manageable. Now it's time to start finding a daily routine that will include a regular nap schedule for the twins. I've read up on how to start a sleep schedule, but I've never done it myself since my wonderful babysitter put my first child on a schedule. I know things are more difficult now because there are 2 babies, but hopefully I'll find my way soon so we can have a regular routine.
• Empowered by what I CAN do -- "I couldn't do it. How do you keep up with 3 kids under the age of 3?" If I had a dollar for every time someone asks me that, I'd be a rich woman who could actually afford a couple of nannies to pitch in around here. The answer to the question is simple: I do it because there's no other option. I had live-in help the first 5 weeks after the twins were born from either my mom, mother-in-law or my husband... okay, my husband still lives with me, but he actually took a week off in the beginning to help me 24/7. Once everyone went back home or back to work, I was TERRIFIED that I couldn't do it all myself. But guess what? I CAN. That's pretty powerful. Yes, it is really hard sometimes, but at the end of the day if the kids are all still here, clothed, fed and reasonably happy, then I think we're doing okay.

My grandma had twins (she had 4 kids under the age of 4) and I asked her while I was pregnant with the twins if she had any advice on how to do it all and her words of wisdom ring true now, "You just DO IT." Basically, you can do more than you think you can simply because it has to get done and you're the only one there who can do it. It's a powerful message of patience, love and self confidence. I truly believe that my first child made me a mother, but the twins have made me a BETTER mother.

It's My Birthday -- Get Busy

It's my birthday! This is a BIG event in my house. It's my favorite day of the year. Okay, Christmas is up there too, but this day is all about me! I have to admit I do enjoy holidays that are just about me. Today I'm.... gasp!... 32 years old. This seems impossible considering it was just yesterday that I was celebrating my 21st birthday in typical college fashion. I am edging closer and closer to my mid 30s, so surely I must have matured from that sorority girl whose only care was what outfit to wear and what boy to crush on (okay, that's quite an simplification of how I really was, but looking back it seems that my drama du jour was pretty insignificant).

So if I could speak to that 21 year old (if for no other reason than to warn her of the wicked hangover she will have the day after her birthday), here are some of the things I'd like to teach her:

• Stand up for yourself more often
• Don't trust guys who continue to disappoint you
• Spend more time with your grandparents, they have a lot of life experiences that could help you
• Stop being so insecure (this one is still a work in progress)
• Take some marketing/PR/business classes to see if anything else interests you
• Don't use your credit cards like it's free money -- you will have to pay them back someday
• Listen to what your parents say, chances are your dad is ALWAYS (and annoyingly) right
• Don't settle for anything less than happiness (in work, in relationships, in life)
• Worry less about what people think about, well, EVERYTHING
• Take a minute to soak in all the amazing experiences you are about to have

And finally...

• Hang on to that nice guy who takes you out to lunch the day after your 21st birthday. Even though you'll be too hungover to even think about food, you'll laugh. A lot. Soon you'll realize he's more than a friend. If you're lucky, he might even ask you to marry him about 5 years later. If you say yes, you'll have the 3 most amazing daughters and a love that even Shakespeare can't fully describe.

Crazy Chaos

Chaos. This is my life now. Sometimes it's a good chaos with my toddler laughing loudly and the twins being alert but happy. However it's not usually that sweet. Here's a quick example from Monday morning. I woke up right before my husband was leaving for work (he usually gets up with the toddler so I can grab an extra half hour of sleep since I'm up more frequently at night with the twins)... and the rush was on! I had to get my toddler fed and dressed and get the twins fed in time before I had to get everone loaded up in the van to take the Bean to preschool. I was pumping breastmilk for the twins while feeding my toddler cereal all while trying to keep one of the twins from screaming her head off while the other twin slept peacefully in the swing. I don't just have 2 or 3 things happening at once. I have 47 things happening at once.

I don't think this is anything extraordinary. It's just the life of any mother. Every mother. It just seems magnified or multiplied exponentially right now because I'm dealing with 3 kids under the age of 3. Things will settle down. Eventually. Right?

And Baby Makes 3... or 5 as the Case May Be

Only one percent of women have twins.


So I get it. It's rare and people like to point and stare while giving me the "I'm so glad it's you and not me" look of pity. I just went to my OB doctor for my 6-week check up and I took the twins with me. The oohs and awes the babies received were nothing compared to the "Holy crap! Twins!" comments I got. One pregnant woman in the waiting room said congrats and then leaned in to her husband and said, "See honey, it could be worse. We could be having twins." Thanks lady. I may be tired, but I'm not deaf. I CAN HEAR YOU!


Yes, I'm tired. I keep thinking I was ridiculous for being so tired with our first child. I complained about how hard it was and how it took up so much time to care for a child around the clock. I was always happy to become a mom, but the biggest shock I had to deal with the first time around was the continuous-ness (is that even a word?) of caring for a newborn. There's just no break. You feed, burp, change diapers, rock and repeat. OVER and OVER again. 24 hours a day. This was a big change for me as a first-time mom, but now that I have twins and a 2-year-old I keep thinking... one baby was super easy!


Let's be clear, I'm not saying having one baby is actually easy. I know it's not. I believe that going from 0-1 kid is still the most difficult adjustment any mom will make b/c it's a lifestyle shift. A shift that occurs when the baby is born and nevers shifts back. It's a good thing and it's how we change from women into mothers. Learning what to do with a newborn and how to adjust your daily life to accept the needs (the MANY needs) of a newborn is hectic and overwhelming. Once that is done, I think the first-time jitters are gone and it's easier for a second child. But that doesn't mean it's a walk in the park.


Whether it's multiples or just one newborn (as if JUST ONE newborn isn't challenging enough sometimes)... Here is my list of things that change with a baby:


1. Sleep -- Obviously this is simply gone. You'll learn to take these 8 precious hours and reduce them to a 4-hour power nap (that will be broken into 3 segments). I love to sleep at least 9 hours and be lazy on Saturdays. This hasn't happened since my first child was born 2 and a half years ago. Sorry moms, but the sleep ship has sailed and will return in about 15 years.


2. Everyone has an opinion -- Seriously, everyone from your mom, mother-in-law, sister to the checkout lady at the grocery store will have an opinion on how you raise your kids. And they will share those opinions with you. A LOT. How you handle this part of motherhood will affect your relationships with those family members and more importantly, will affect your own sanity. You have to listen, smile & nod, then do what YOU think is best. You are the mom and that makes you an expert on your child.


3. Guilt -- I think I understand Catholic guilt based on the mommy guilt. I feel guilt when I worked outside the home (am I abandoning my child? NO). I now feel guilt about staying at home (am I setting a good example for my 3 daughters? I hope so.). I've felt guilt over breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding and so many other issues moms deal with daily. I wish this wasn't a part of motherhood, but sadly I think it is just as much a part of having a newborn as the little hats they give babies in the hospitals. All I can do is try to take a step back and look at the big picture and hope I can realize that my everyday decisions aren't going to create as much drama as I see in my head.


4. Priorities -- My priorities changed instantly when I became a mother. I suddenly knew my purpose on this planet was to care for this baby. To love her. To protect her. To help her become a good person. No pressure! That's a pretty tall order but it's one that most any mother would agree with.


5. Time -- Okay, so this goes along with sleep and priorities, but I simply don't have time for everything anymore. With all the extra time I spend with my newborns, I don't have time to talk to run to Target and grab whatever I need at the moment or to take an hour blow drying my hair straight or decide on a whim to put on my workout clothes, pop on my iPod and go for a long run. These are luxuries (well, my luxuries at least) that simply vanished when I brought home newborns. This isn't to say they are gone forever, but they now require more planning and thought and will someday return at a more leisurely pace when the kids are older. I hope.

Breastfeeding: Natural or a Pain?

My twins are officially one month old, so you'll understand why I haven't posted a blog in a while. I'd like to get better about that, but I'd also like to sleep more than 4-5 cumulative hours per night... so I might as well be wishing for a unicorn.

My issue today involves breastfeeding. I am a big believer in breastfeeding and I nursed my first child for 15 months. That said, I also think it can suck (no terrible pun intended). My first child was what the lactation nurses defined as a "lazy eater" but really it meant she would nurse for 5 minutes and then fall asleep. So clearly she wasn't getting enough food. So I'd have to pump and give her extra in a bottle. EVERY feeding. 10-12 times a day. For TEN weeks. It was terrible until one day, like magic, she just figured it out and nursed properly.

That was tough, but I'm so glad I stuck it out and continued to nurse her. Having twins is a whole different animal. These girls also are what you'd call "lazy eaters" and have their preemie status as a strike against them. They are small and get exhausted easily, so just a little bit of effort to nurse makes them SO TIRED and they just go back to sleep. So again, me and my trusty pump (best gift ever from my sister) are becoming BFFs. Pumping is a pain because you can't exactly do that while you're out and about (not that you're out and about one month after having twins). Also, the twins are hungry every 2 hours. EVERY 2 hours. 24 hours a day. EVERY day. Do the math (and I'm terrible at math) and it's about 12 feedings a day. Needless to say it's time consuming and when you feel like you have to pump for about 90 percent of the feedings, it's not fun.

There are tons of benefits of breastfeeding for the babies (I won't list all those -- look them up on that new-fangled technology called "google") and also for mommy. It lowers my risk of certain cancers for the rest of my life b/c I've breastfed for more than 1 year. ALSO, I'm burning about 1000 calories a day. Seriously. I've lost more than 30 pounds so far and I'm hoping to lose another 10 to fit into my clothes and maybe a few more pounds to get back to my fighting weight.

I just get annoyed when all the books tell you how natural breastfeeding is and if it hurts, then you're not doing it right. Well, I'm here to tell you that is a load of crap. At least for me and a lot of my mommy friends I've talked to about the subject. It hurts and it takes up about 8-10 hours a day for at least a couple of months. I know that it's free, but I think my time is valuable and if you calculated the cost of 8-10 hours a day, I'm pretty sure that formula is cheaper in the long haul. However, I am still a believer in breastfeeding b/c I am deep down pretty hippie-skippie and want to be as natural as possible for my children. Plus I really want to do this for them b/c I know it's the best food available for them.

It does get easier. Otherwise, NO ONE would do it. It was so much more convenient after a few months b/c I am available anywhere without any prep time. Yet, I want to be honest and let other moms (or future moms) know that it is difficult and you're not alone. I think moms are set up for failure when we're handed a line about how it's "natural" and "easy" and "NOT painful" so that when we inevitably find that breastfeeding is, in fact, difficult and extremely painful at times (like the first few days or when the baby gets teeth or b/c of yeast infections, blocked ducts, mastitis, etc.)... we give up breastfeeding and think of ourselves as failures. You are NOT a failure if you stop breastfeeding or if you choose not to breastfeed at all. Moms have lots of choices to make and there's no need to feel guilt for this one.

For the time being, I will continue to pump/nurse around the clock with the hopes that my twincesses will eventually get the hang of it. The lactation nurses swear that it will happen. I know from my own experience with my first child that it can happen. On its own. In time. Until then, I'll be here. Exhausted.