While I certainly love all my babies (4 month old twins & a 2 yr old), I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the amount of work my children require of me on a daily basis. I constantly wish for a clone to help me be a diaper changer/human rocking chair-jungle gym/baby sleep whisper/breastfeeding goddess/singing comforter/book reader/imagination playland.
Here are a few thoughts on what has been going on in my life:
- Sleeping ALMOST through the night -- The twins are sleeping from about 10pm until 4am, so I'm usually getting up only once a night to feed them. HUGE! This is H-U-G-E! I'm now doing my "I'm getting sleep!" dance, but since you can't see me it's not as funny for you. I am SOOO happy to not feel like a zombie. Getting less than 3 consecutive hours of sleep every night for a month is God's cruel joke for new parents. I cannot be held responsible for how I looked or how I grumpily snapped at my husband during that stretch. I mean, really, I barely remember what day it was most of the time when I was that sleep deprived.
- BIG successes in breastfeeding -- I have gone from pumping 90 percent of the time to less than 20 percent of the time, so now I'm nursing much more often than pumping. I can't explain exactly what caused the shift, it's more a combination of things: the girls getting bigger and latching better and eating more efficiently. It has made a huge difference for me! Pumping is certainly faster than nursing, but it makes me feel like I can't leave the house. You can pull out a nursing cover and breastfeed your child in public, but not so much with the pump. No one needs to hear the WAH-ah, WAH-ah, WAH-ah sound of a breastpump except me. It's not exactly discreet. When I was breastfeeding my first child, I can't tell you how many times I had to find a random place to pump (like a restroom-YUCK) if I was at a work conference or outside my usual work routine. It always made me anixous to pump somewhere like that where other people would be coming in and out of the restroom and could obviously hear the pump. Some probably thought I was building a bomb in there since not every woman knows what a pump sounds like. Luckily my company had a "mommy room" for new moms to pump (at my husband's previous corporate job they had "lactation stations" on every floor -- FANTASTIC benefit for women who work there). Now there's a certain amount of freedom that comes with exclusively nursing. I even successfully nursed both babies simultaneously this week for the first time, so I know that is an option now.
- Finding a routine -- Those first 3 months are just about surviving. I've gone from feeding them 10-12 times a day to only 6 times. This is so much more manageable. Now it's time to start finding a daily routine that will include a regular nap schedule for the twins. I've read up on how to start a sleep schedule, but I've never done it myself since my wonderful babysitter put my first child on a schedule. I know things are more difficult now because there are 2 babies, but hopefully I'll find my way soon so we can have a regular routine.
- Empowered by what I CAN do -- "I couldn't do it. How do you keep up with 3 kids under the age of 3?" If I had a dollar for every time someone asks me that, I'd be a rich woman who could actually afford a couple of nannies to pitch in around here. The answer to the question is simple: I do it because there's no other option. I had live-in help the first 5 weeks after the twins were born from either my mom, mother-in-law or my husband... okay, my husband still lives with me, but he actually took a week off in the beginning to help me 24/7. Once everyone went back home or back to work, I was TERRIFIED that I couldn't do it all myself. But guess what? I CAN. That's pretty powerful. Yes, it is really hard sometimes, but at the end of the day if the kids are all still here, clothed, fed and reasonably happy, then I think we're doing okay.
My grandma had twins (she had 4 kids under the age of 4) and I asked her while I was pregnant with the twins if she had any advice on how to do it all and her words of wisdom ring true now, "You just DO IT." Basically, you can do more than you think you can simply because it has to get done and you're the only one there who can do it. It's a powerful message of patience, love and self confidence. I truly believe that my first child made me a mother, but the twins have made me a BETTER mother.
Hi Jeanette,
ReplyDeleteSorry it's taken me so long to get over to your blog. Boy could I resonate with this post! Twins are a lot of work, especially when they're new. I remember driving home from the pharmacy one day when the twins were about 8 weeks old - I'd gone to pick up my magic nipple cream because my the babies had nibbled my nipples to nubbins and they hurt, only the cream had to be compounded so it wouldn't be available till the next day, and I just cried while I drove home; it had taken so much effort for me to get to the pharmacy that day, and for nothing. I wailed as I drove home, "I can't do this." But even as I said it, I knew I could do it, and I would, because I had to.
My twins are 5 months old this week, and you're right: if all four kids are still here, fed, clothed, and reasonably happy at the end of the day, we're doing okay. I'm going to hang onto that!