The Final Countdown

Not only is "The Final Countdown" a fantastic-ly cheezy hair metal song, but it also explains this phase of my pregnancy. I'm 35 weeks today, so that means with a singleton I'd have 5 weeks to go, but with twins 38 weeks is considered full term. So really the babies could come at any time! I'm excited about that, but also anxious. I don't think anxious accurately describes it... it's more like full-fledge panicked! I am not nervous about the same things I was when I was pregnant with my first child. That was more a fear of the unknown. Now I know what to expect with a newborn, so it's a fear of the inevitable change when bringing home a new baby (or babies).

Here are my top 5 stresses right now (believe me it changes daily):

1. Will the babies be born healthy?
I know the odds are good that everything will be fine, but I'm the person who worries about things I can't change and stresses about the 1 percent chance of whatever. I know that every mother stresses about this one (or at least thinks about it). I think having a healthy child is the number one priority for any mom-to-be. I am praying for 2 healthy children and letting go to realize that I can't control this one is difficult for me.

2. How will labor go?
With my first child I had a beautiful birth experience, but things will be very different this time around. With multiples I will be more closely monitored throughout labor (if there is no scheduled C-section--which I hope will not be needed). And that even after I go through labor and birth one child, there's still a chance that the second baby could spin into a breech position and we'd have to do a C-section for the second baby. I'll be giving birth in the Operating Room if that tells you anything. Apparently it's the standard of care for multiples' births, so I have no choice in the matter. That way if a C-section is needed, the doctors will be ready to go almost immediately. While this should make me feel more comfortable, it makes me more uptight because I know the OR will be sterile and cold and I'll probably be confined in ways that I wasn't with my first labor.

3. How will my daughter react to the twins?
This is a big worry for me. I don't want my daughter to feel pushed aside by the twins. I'm sure this is a common issue with siblings of babies, so I want her to be a part of the process so maybe she won't feel as left out. It's hard to imagine loving something as much as I love her, so while part of me fears I will have to split my love to include the 2 new babies, everything that I have heard from friends/family is that your motherly love is not split -- it MULTIPLIES! So it should be interesting to see how things change for all of us. I'm so excited to be adding to our family, I just hope my 2-year-old will agree.

4. How will breastfeeding go with the twins?
Breastfeeding is important to me. I struggled a great deal the first time around and finally got things worked out about 8-10 weeks later. Let me tell you that 2-3 months is a LONG time to struggle with nursing. Had I not been so determined to do it, plus all the guilt I had if I even thought about stopping, there's no way I would have continued. Eventually we made it and I nursed my daughter for about 15 months. It was a wonderful experience that bonded us and gave me a confidence that nothing else has ever done. I knew that I was doing something for her that NO ONE else could do. I grew her for 9 months and now was sustaining her by providing all the food she'd need. That's a big accomplishment.

I'm hoping this time around that I will know more nursing and won't have as many struggles, but with 2 babies everything will be different.

• Will they nurse at the same time? Apparently that only works for about 50% of twins.
• Will they both latch on early without problems? Depends on if they are full term.
• Will they be good eaters? My daughter was a "lazy" eater, so she'd fall asleep after 5 min of nursing, which caused many of the problems.
• Will I have time to nurse while chasing a 2-year-old around the house all day? Last time I could hole myself up in the nursery and work on breastfeeding for hours... that's not an option this time.

5. How will my husband and I cope with 2 newborns and a toddler?
The first 3 months with a newborn are a blur. There's no sleep, lots of newborn crying, tons of stress and did I mention the no-sleep thing? Seriously, it's hard. At least this time we'll know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, on the flip side, we also know how HARD it is those first few months... when getting 3 hours of consecutive sleep feels like a weekend at the beach.

I think this stage can either push a couple apart or bring them closer. I definitely felt a closeness to my husband with our first child that I never had before. When you see your husband holding your child, there's a new level of love and respect that you didn't even know existed. I love him not only for the man he is to me, but for the father he is to our daughter. Ultimately, I am not worried about how these changes will affect our marriage because I know we have enough love to share with more children. I'm just stressing about those early months of sleep deprivation...

3 Things I Can't Do While Pregnant

I love being pregnant. I love feeling the babies move. I love being a part of God's miracle. I love helping create life or lives out of the wonderful love I share with my husband.

With that said, there are certainly a few things I miss about not being pregnant.

Here are the 3 things I want to do as soon as I can after giving birth:

1. Wear pants that don't have an elastic waist. Seriously, I miss normal pants with buttons and a zipper. Somehow I feel like either a 2-year-old or a 82-year-old for wearing pants with stretchy material for a waist.

2. Go running. I miss those short 3 or 4 mile runs outside when I could turn up my iPod and forget about the day's stresses. I even miss those long 15 mile runs when I felt like I couldn't take another step without collapsing. Somehow I think this one will have to happen BEFORE I can achieve the first item on my list...

3. Drink a large glass of good Pinot Grigio. Drinking isn't the top of my list and it probably won't happen while I'm breastfeeding either, but a girl can dream. There's nothing more relaxing than sipping a good glass of wine with dinner or enjoying a glass (or two) of spirits when out with my girlfriends. Plus, I know I'll need that relaxation with 3 kids under the age of 3...

Things that Annoy Me

Ok, it's Monday. I may not have a "case of the Mondays" but in honor of tired, grumpy people on Monday everywhere, here is my list of recent annoyances:


1. People's Bad (RUDE) Reaction to the Fact I'm Having Twins
Conversation I had couple of days ago with a CVS store clerk while I was checking out:

Clerk: So, when is your baby due?
Me: Actually, I'm having twins and they are due at the end of August.

Clerk: Wow! And you're already THAT BIG! 2 more months... I guess you do have to gain a lot more for twins.
Me: Well, it does take a lot of room to grow TWO PEOPLE (Note: I have a slight edge of annoyance here).
Clerk: I had a friend who had twin boys and she was huge by the time they were born (she holds her hands out around her as if to imply this woman was as round as she was tall).
Me: Anyway. Thanks for my order. Have a good night.

Seriously. I have had this conversation or one similar to it so many times when I am checking out at the grocery store, buying food at a food court, or really just with anyone I've never met who asks about my baby. I get that they ask about a baby. Clearly, I look pregnant. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the ridiculous reaction to me having twins ("I'm glad it's you and not me!") as if no one on Earth has ever had twins before.

I am seriously considering just lying to strangers from here on out and when they say, "when is your baby due?" I think I'll just play along and say, "Next week." I can say that for the next 2 months, right?

2. Maternity Clothes that Don't Fit My GIANT Belly
I have great friends who have loaned me their maternity clothes. So in addition to my own clothes, I have 5 other women's maternity clothes. This should be all the clothes I'd EVER need for a few months. However, my body has other ideas. Most of my maternity clothes are a size Medium, but I have a lot of Larges too and yet NONE of them are long enough now... at least when it comes to my ginormous belly. All of my extra long tank tops/shirts that I wore when pregnant last time (all the way until the due date) now look like midriff shirts. It's not that they are too tight all over, it's just that my tummy stretches out SO much farther this time that my shirts won't cover them. So I have like 4 shirts that fit right now. Ugh. Going up to an X-Large would just make it bigger everywhere, not necessarily much longer to accommodate my tummy. Good times.

I may look like a white trash pregnant Britney Spears by the end of my pregnancy rocking midriff maternity shirts.

3. People Who Are Annoyed that We a) Don't Have Names Picked Out & b) Won't Tell Once We Do
Asking if we have any names picked out is a common and harmless question. I don't mind anyone asking that because I know it's not unusual for a woman to have the name picked out as soon as she finds out she's pregnant. That's fine. My irritation comes from people who get almost mad at me and when I say, "We aren't sure yet. Still looking at a long list of names." I tell them that we didn't tell the name last time around b/c it was the one secret that my husband and I could share during the whole experience. Some people can't take the hint and ask, "what are your top favorites that you're thinking about?" I just want to shout -- "It's NONE of your business. Thanks for asking."

I guess I'm annoyed mostly because it's just assumed that you would have a name picked out and have it monogramed on pillows before you finish the first trimester. This has to be a relatively new phenomenon considering that up until about 30 years ago people didn't know if they were having a boy/girl until delivery. Now with the use (and I mean OVER use) of ultrasounds, we know so early that people just assume not only do you want to find out boy/girl, but you have also named your child and will want to share that with everyone. Sorry, I want just one little piece that I can keep for myself and my husband.

Okay enough of the grumpy blog, perhaps I can do a happier list next time...

Uncomfortable Is Comforting

Today I'm officially 28 weeks pregnant with twins. While this may not seem like a huge accomplishment, let me tell you -- it is! HUGE! At least that's the size of my belly right now. Check out this fantastic image I found online of a twins' belly. NOTE: This is NOT my belly. However, mine is just as big, I'm just not ready to post pics of myself.

I've been reading a website about the week-by-week development of twins in pregnancy and basically it looks like I should get used to my new friend -- uncomfortable. The synopsis for weeks 28-32 of twins' pregnancy describes how you probably aren't sleeping well anymore because you can't get comfortable no matter what you do. It goes on to say that sitting is even difficult at this point because of the ever-growing belly. I can personally vouch for both of these. I wake up at least 5 times a night and sleep maybe 4 hours total on a good night. It's not that I'm always waking up because of a squished, full bladder (although that does happen at least once a night now), it's that I simply can't get comfortable in bed. I flip from side to side because if you lay on one side for too long, your bottom leg will go to sleep. Seriously. It's awesome. I highly recommend it. So it's like I got half an epidural (not that I've ever had one of those, but I assume it would feel like that) as punishment because I had the ridiculous notion that I could lay on my side.

Also lying on my side means that I have two babies stacked on top of each other. This causes an enormous amount of weight to sling to one side, and then the babies start kicking each other and I get to take the brunt of their fights. Lying on my back is just impossible because there are two babies lying on my spine and that's not comfortable for any of us. They let me know their distaste for this position by kicking and punching the daylights out of me. Good times.

Okay, so I'm not going to sleep again until the babies get here.... wait, that won't happen for at least 3 months after they arrive or until they figure out how to sleep more than 6 hours consecutively. Maybe I can just get some rest on the couch. Seriously, sitting can't be that big of an inconvenience. This should be easy. It's not like I'm in a stiff office chair -- it's a freaking soft couch! Nope, my tummy literally touches my legs when I try to sit up. Not so much TOUCHES my legs as PRESSES down in a super-uncomfortable/almost painful way.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer complainer today, but I'm struck by the differences between being pregnant with twins vs. a singleton. I was slightly uncomfortable the last few weeks when I was pregnant with one baby, but it was never THIS much, THIS early. I'm hoping to go another 10 weeks before the babies arrive, so I can have 2 fat, healthy, full-term babies but it looks like in the meantime I'll be sleep-deprived and uncomfortable. In some way, being uncomfortable and getting larger by the minute is comforting because it shows me that the twincesses are growing and getting bigger. My discomfort is a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make to have 2 healthy babies, so I know it will all be worth it when I get to hold them and snuggle while taking in that wonderful new baby smell.

Fun Facts about Pregnancy Your Mama Won't Tell You

Weight gain, heartburn, pain during childbirth... these are things that are commonly discussed from mothers to other women. But there are several things -- things you might want to know up front -- that are left out of the pretty little package known as pregnancy.

Let me start by saying I LOVE being pregnant. Seriously watching my body change from what I think is the frame of a 12-year-old boy into a curvy, womanly figure is outstanding. My husband would agree. I also enjoyed childbirth with my first child. Yes, you heard me. ENJOYED it. Yes, there was pain, but it's called labor for a reason -- your body is hard at work. It does what it is designed to do: grow, nourish and ultimately push out a baby. That's pretty damn impressive if I do say so myself.

Okay, back to the list of what you won't hear from your best friend who just had a baby, but you NEED to know before you get knocked up:

1. Deep breaths are a thing of the past. I'm in great shape, or at least I was the month I got pregnant this time around. However, between the 24-hour morning sickness and now the doctor's orders not to workout, I am now so, SO far from that fit person. My point being that I ran a marathon one month before I got pregnant and now I literally can't catch my breath when I get to the top of one flight of stairs. Your lung capacity changes dramatically when you are pregnant because your organs have to shift around to make room for a baby (or 2 of them in my case), so something's got to give and usually that's your ability to breathe deeply.

2. You will pass gas and don't get me started on hemorroids... I'm not someone who chats about such crude, teenage boy humor like farting, but when you are pregnant your digestion changes and yes, you will pass gass frequently and without your control. There's not much you can do about this one except feel embarrassed. Also if you are lucky enough to miss out on hemorroids during your pregnancy, chances are you may experience them after delivery thanks to all the pushing.

3. People will be rude to you and make disrespectful comments to you and think it's funny and/or socially acceptable b/c you are pregnant. I'm sure you've already seen my rants on how people (randoms and close friends/family alike) like to comment on your weight when you're pregnant as if it's their job. But it's not just that. They will comment about your decision to work outside the home or stay at home, your decision to breastfeed or bottle feed, your decision on what color to paint the nursery, your baby's name... and on and on. Anything related to the baby suddenly becomes public domain and can be judged openly by ANYONE and many people feel it's their God-given right to do so outloud. Sometimes I just want to tell people to stop making wise cracks about my weight because I'll catch up with them in a year and we'll see who looks better in a pair of skinny jeans. Or I'd like to tell them that my decisions with my child are none of their business so maybe, just maybe, they should shut up. Of course b/c of my ridiculously high level of aversion to confrontation, that will never happen.

4. Stretch marks creams don't work and your body may never go back to the way it was. Stretch marks simply happen based on 2 things: your genes and how much weight you gain/how fast you gain it. I didn't get stretch marks the first time around, but with twins it almost seems inevitable. Hopefully not, but I can't do anything to control that so it's one less thing I need to stress about. As far as weight, you may get back to your pre-baby weight, but your body may have shifted. Your hips may be wider, your breasts may sag, your tummy may have extra skin that you can't get rid of. I don't mean to scare those of you who haven't had kids because it's not a given that you'll go from supermodel to frumpy mom overnight. I gained 30 pounds with my first pregnancy and lost 40. I was in better shape when she was 1 year old than I was before I got pregnant thanks to old fashioned working out and eating right. With twins I'm not expecting such fantastic results, but I'm not naive enough to think my body will always stay the same.

5. Having a baby will change your outlook on your career forever. Once you have a child, you will never be 100% happy at home or at work. I'm not saying you can't find happiness with an awesome job or that you can't be fulfilled if you choose to stay at home. I'm just saying that "having it all" doesn't really exist. You can have it all, but that doesn't mean that you'll feel like you're doing the right thing all the time.

After having my first child, I went back to my job and was happy. I liked what I did and the people I worked with, but there was an ache inside of me that I was missing out on my child's life. I'm not saying EVERYONE feels like I do, but of the women I've talked to, it's a common feeling. I said it's just the hormones talking and told myself I wouldn't make a decision on my career for at least 6 more months. Finally after even more MONTHS of deliberating, I quit my job when my daughter was 1 year old to stay at home with her. It was the best decision for me that I've ever made. But being at home doesn't mean I'm 100% satisfied with my career either. I love being with my child, but there are times I worry about what the future holds for me and what message I'm sending to her by choosing not to work. Again, these are just MY thoughts on MY situation, not a judgement on women's place in society.

I think it's common to feel an ache to be with our kids when we're at work and an ache to do more outside the home when we are with our children. Catch 22, huh?

Double the Fun: TWINS

So it's been a while since my last post. You'll have to forgive my lack of writing lately, but I think you can understand considering this: I'm pregnant with TWINS! I'm so excited, but definitely a little overwhelmed with the thought of the drastic changes headed my way. I thought a second pregnancy would be easier because I would know what to expect, but now this is a whole new ballgame.

What's different?
1. Morning sickness -- I wasn't sick at all with my first pregnancy, but I have been miserably sick this time. Even though I'm not throwing up, I feel like I'm going to about 90 percent of the time. Add to that the pregnancy coma of exhaustion that seems so much worse, and I really feel like I've been hit by a truck most days. Apparently nausea is more common with twins because of all the extra hormones. The doctor gave me a prescription for the nausea but it just gives me a headache and makes me more tired (2 of the side effects), so I don't take it anymore.

2. Chasing a toddler -- Last time I was pregnant, my days looked like this: work, nap, dinner, bedtime by 7:30pm. Now I'm staying at home, chasing the Bean around the house all day without much of a chance for rest.

3. Ice cream sundaes galore -- Last time I tried to eat healthy and make good choices for myself and the Bean in my tummy. Now the game is all about calories. My doctor told me that I need to be eating 3,500 calories a day! She said that normally she tells her pregnany patients to eat healthy, but that right now for me it's all about gaining weight. Research shows that (with multiples) if you gain more weight by the midway point, you're less likely to have preterm labor.

Preterm labor is a big problem to avoid with twins, so my doctor wants me to gain at least 24 pounds by 24 weeks. That means I've got about 20 pounds to gain in less than 3 months. She said to eat bowls of full fat ice cream, french fries, drink whole milk and anything else I am craving to get my 3,500 calories in every day. This is the best doctor's advice ever!!

Twins shouldn't be a surprise because my grandma had fraternal twins and they run in the family, but it's still a little shocking to see 2 babies on the ultrasound.

I'm looking forward to what the future holds with an ice cream scoop in hand.