The Final Countdown

Not only is "The Final Countdown" a fantastic-ly cheezy hair metal song, but it also explains this phase of my pregnancy. I'm 35 weeks today, so that means with a singleton I'd have 5 weeks to go, but with twins 38 weeks is considered full term. So really the babies could come at any time! I'm excited about that, but also anxious. I don't think anxious accurately describes it... it's more like full-fledge panicked! I am not nervous about the same things I was when I was pregnant with my first child. That was more a fear of the unknown. Now I know what to expect with a newborn, so it's a fear of the inevitable change when bringing home a new baby (or babies).

Here are my top 5 stresses right now (believe me it changes daily):

1. Will the babies be born healthy?
I know the odds are good that everything will be fine, but I'm the person who worries about things I can't change and stresses about the 1 percent chance of whatever. I know that every mother stresses about this one (or at least thinks about it). I think having a healthy child is the number one priority for any mom-to-be. I am praying for 2 healthy children and letting go to realize that I can't control this one is difficult for me.

2. How will labor go?
With my first child I had a beautiful birth experience, but things will be very different this time around. With multiples I will be more closely monitored throughout labor (if there is no scheduled C-section--which I hope will not be needed). And that even after I go through labor and birth one child, there's still a chance that the second baby could spin into a breech position and we'd have to do a C-section for the second baby. I'll be giving birth in the Operating Room if that tells you anything. Apparently it's the standard of care for multiples' births, so I have no choice in the matter. That way if a C-section is needed, the doctors will be ready to go almost immediately. While this should make me feel more comfortable, it makes me more uptight because I know the OR will be sterile and cold and I'll probably be confined in ways that I wasn't with my first labor.

3. How will my daughter react to the twins?
This is a big worry for me. I don't want my daughter to feel pushed aside by the twins. I'm sure this is a common issue with siblings of babies, so I want her to be a part of the process so maybe she won't feel as left out. It's hard to imagine loving something as much as I love her, so while part of me fears I will have to split my love to include the 2 new babies, everything that I have heard from friends/family is that your motherly love is not split -- it MULTIPLIES! So it should be interesting to see how things change for all of us. I'm so excited to be adding to our family, I just hope my 2-year-old will agree.

4. How will breastfeeding go with the twins?
Breastfeeding is important to me. I struggled a great deal the first time around and finally got things worked out about 8-10 weeks later. Let me tell you that 2-3 months is a LONG time to struggle with nursing. Had I not been so determined to do it, plus all the guilt I had if I even thought about stopping, there's no way I would have continued. Eventually we made it and I nursed my daughter for about 15 months. It was a wonderful experience that bonded us and gave me a confidence that nothing else has ever done. I knew that I was doing something for her that NO ONE else could do. I grew her for 9 months and now was sustaining her by providing all the food she'd need. That's a big accomplishment.

I'm hoping this time around that I will know more nursing and won't have as many struggles, but with 2 babies everything will be different.

• Will they nurse at the same time? Apparently that only works for about 50% of twins.
• Will they both latch on early without problems? Depends on if they are full term.
• Will they be good eaters? My daughter was a "lazy" eater, so she'd fall asleep after 5 min of nursing, which caused many of the problems.
• Will I have time to nurse while chasing a 2-year-old around the house all day? Last time I could hole myself up in the nursery and work on breastfeeding for hours... that's not an option this time.

5. How will my husband and I cope with 2 newborns and a toddler?
The first 3 months with a newborn are a blur. There's no sleep, lots of newborn crying, tons of stress and did I mention the no-sleep thing? Seriously, it's hard. At least this time we'll know there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Yet, on the flip side, we also know how HARD it is those first few months... when getting 3 hours of consecutive sleep feels like a weekend at the beach.

I think this stage can either push a couple apart or bring them closer. I definitely felt a closeness to my husband with our first child that I never had before. When you see your husband holding your child, there's a new level of love and respect that you didn't even know existed. I love him not only for the man he is to me, but for the father he is to our daughter. Ultimately, I am not worried about how these changes will affect our marriage because I know we have enough love to share with more children. I'm just stressing about those early months of sleep deprivation...