It's Father's Day and while celebrating both my dad and my husband, I found myself reflecting on what makes these men so special to me.
It comes down to one trait: they both show love.
My dad had 2 daughters and while he probably didn't know what to do with us during our moody teenager years, he never changed his approach to parenting. His never-fail fatherly ability to show us love. He taught me things he was passionate about (building engines for NASCAR teams) to show me that I should also find something that I am passionate about. That my work shouldn't feel like a job, but instead a blessing.
My dad taught me about his faith in Christ because he wanted me to have the same comfort and peace and unconditional love he has. I, too, have that faith in our Lord. Not because my parents took me to church or bought me a Bible, but because I could see the peace and joy they have. When I reached an age where one begins to search for what life has to offer, I studied, I resisted, and then I accepted the same peace and joy into my heart. My faith in Christ's love is what keeps me together and what drives how I choose to live my life. Hopefully I can lead a life as poised and faithful as my dad.
My dad taught me about respect. How to respect others. How to respect myself. This is a HUGE deal for a little girl because it determines how she will be for the rest of her life. He showed respect to my mom so that I knew what I should expect from someone who loves me. He told me -- in both words and actions -- of my value. He made me feel smart and accomplished without saying a word.
See, my dad showed me the greatest lesson of all:
Love is not just something you say, it's something you do.
Love is not a noun, but - at it's finest - it's a verb.
My dad was always there for me. Unconditionally. He listened to me when I had a story to tell. He was an assistant coach of my middle school softball team. He came to all my high school volleyball games and cheered loudly for me when I was on the sidelines cheering for my high school football team. He prayed with me when they dropped me off at my freshman dorm. He praised me for working hard and achieving my goal of getting a job in tv news directly after college. I wonder if he knows that I work hard because I saw his work ethic. He and my mom never complained about work, at least not in front of me. They simply did their jobs because that's what you do.
My dad never pushed me to be something I wasn't. He simply asked me to "do my best" in whatever it is that I am doing. He wasn't impressed when I got straight A's and wasn't angry if I got a C on a test. He simply told me to do my best because that's all we can do. I knew that if I did my best, he'd always be proud of me. That empowering confidence has stayed with me from childhood to this day. It's what makes me want to give that confidence to other women -- which I know is my passion and life's purpose.
My dad helps others. He serves others. He visits the sick from our community when they're in the hospital. He mourns with them when they lose a loved one and attends their funerals to bring a little peace to those grieving.
My dad doesn't just help family or friends or people he knows.
He once stopped on the side of the road when I was a little girl to help a stranger change his tire. I remember because it was at night and I think either cold or raining because the man's wife and baby got in our car while Daddy helped the stranger change his tire. He didn't make a big deal of it. He just helped someone who needed it. He showed me Christ's love is more than something you pray about or study. It's something you show to others. To your family. To your friends. To everyone you meet.
I have always been a Daddy's girl and that's why I am so happy to have found a partner as incredible as my dad.
My husband doesn't just tell me he loves me (although he also makes a point of telling me that every day). He shows me how much he loves me. He takes care of all the little details in my life that I find annoying or frustrating. He goes out of his way to make my life just a little bit easier. He always fills my vehicle with gas. I literally can't remember the last time I had to pump my own gas. He will look at my van's gauge and then take it to get fuel so I won't have to. Not because I can't or because I'm some delicate flower who needs a man to take care of me. Simply because he wants to help make my day better.
My husband shows me acts of kindness and service every day.
And not just me. He shows our 3 daughters this love in ways big and small. This week while our 5-year-old was acting moody and quiet because she was embarrassed, instead of laughing or telling her it's no big deal and to get over it, he asked if she wanted to talk about it. She quickly and not-too-kindly declined because she was still in a foul mood. He again could have dismissed it and moved on. Instead he said,
"It's okay sweetie. You don't have to talk about it now. But if you ever do want to talk, I'm here, ok?"
That line right there might have been the best thing I've ever heard my husband say. Our 5-year-old may not realize it yet, but I guarantee she will take him up on it when she's 14 and 16 and even 34 years old. She will know that her dad is there for her and THAT makes all the difference.
Because when she grows up she'll know that love is more than just something you say. It's something you do.
Happy Father's Day!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love List
I am a list maker.
I make lists for what needs to be done, what groceries I need, what projects I'm working on, what my goals are, what dreams I aspire to. Lists are swirling through my head most nights when I'm trying hard to fall asleep. So pretty much everything in my life gets a list.
In honor of Valentine's Day I created a love list.
I hope my little list inspires you to make a list of why your significant other is perfect for you. If you are single, make a list of what is special about you (it should be a long list) and what you want to find in someone else (it should be a shorter list). I think we can't do it, until we dream it (excuse the pun there), so you can't find what you're looking for, until you know what you're looking for. You also can't appreciate what you have, until you count your blessings.
Here are just a few of the reasons why my husband is my valentine:
--Robert Browning
I make lists for what needs to be done, what groceries I need, what projects I'm working on, what my goals are, what dreams I aspire to. Lists are swirling through my head most nights when I'm trying hard to fall asleep. So pretty much everything in my life gets a list.
In honor of Valentine's Day I created a love list.
I hope my little list inspires you to make a list of why your significant other is perfect for you. If you are single, make a list of what is special about you (it should be a long list) and what you want to find in someone else (it should be a shorter list). I think we can't do it, until we dream it (excuse the pun there), so you can't find what you're looking for, until you know what you're looking for. You also can't appreciate what you have, until you count your blessings.
Here are just a few of the reasons why my husband is my valentine:
- He is an amazing father to our girls. We are talking a Taylor Swift singing, princess tea party having kind of dad.
- He works hard to provide for us so that I can choose to be home with our kids.
- He tells me I'm beautiful every day.
- He is an excellent dishwasher loader/unloader, incredible cook, and listens to me when I talk. Really listens.
- He understands all of me: my dreams, my faults, my fears.
- He opens the door for me. Always.
- He respects me and has supported me through career changes, loss of family members, personal struggles and on and on.
- He believes deeply in God and shows kindness to others.
- He makes me laugh with a sarcastic, witty humor that never fails to make me smile.
- He's brilliant.
- He made me a mother and together we made 3 people who are the best parts of us.
--Robert Browning
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Let's Love Ourselves A Little More
It's almost Valentine's Day and I would like to suggest something radical.
Women, let's love ourselves a little more.
How many times have we, as women, looked in the mirror and thought, "I hate my (fill-in-the-blank body part)"? Maybe it's your stomach, your hips, your breasts, your arms, or your legs. Maybe you wish you could make some parts smaller or other parts larger. Once you start making a list of what you want to change, the more body parts you want to add to the list.
When I am caught up in a moment of "Ugh! I wish I could change this and this and this..." my husband is quick to say "How about we hate ourselves a little bit less today?" It always makes me laugh. I realize that I am being ridiculous and stop my little hate spiral before it gets out of control.
It's easy to get caught up in the pity party and negativity of our inner voice that tells us how to feel about ourselves.
It could be from the way our moms talked to us or treated her own body image.
Or what society shows us is beautiful.
Or the way a mean girl in middle school or boyfriend later in life made us feel.
But utimately, WE are the ones who beat ourselves up and tear ourselves down.
I saw this article yesterday and it made me stop and think about how my thoughts and actions are affecting me and will -- no doubt -- affect the thoughts and actions of my 3 small daughters. It's about how moms hate their bodies and feel actual shame over their shapes:
http://www.today.com/moms/love-my-kids-hate-my-body-real-moms-speak-out-1B8328835
It's time to stop shaming ourselves.
Time to stop feeling not good enough.
Time to stop comparing ourselves.
Time to stop wishing we could change things that are unchangeable:
Gravity.
Stretch marks.
Our mother's body shape passed down to us as if it were a precious, but unwanted, family heirloom.
It's time to believe in the power of our bodies. The strength in our shape.
As a mother, my body has changed.
That is ok. I feel stronger, more powerful. I know that I helped create life and brought that child into the world.
I DID THAT.
I know that I made milk for my children custom for their size, their age, their needs. And I fed them when no one else could. I know that my body did that.
MY body.
When I start to feel negative and think, "Wouldn't it be great to just change this or that?" it is up to me to change my perspective. If I look at the mirror closely enough, I realize that I am stronger than I have ever been. I am wiser and more confident than I have ever been. I am more beautiful in the eyes of my husband and my children than I was even yesterday. Once I can see the beauty through my own eyes, then I can share that self love with my daughters.
I am happy in this moment.
I choose to see the beauty in the strength and grace I possess and celebrate it.
So ladies, let's reflect on the positives we see in the mirror. Let's find our confidence and celebrate it.
Women, let's love ourselves a little more.
How many times have we, as women, looked in the mirror and thought, "I hate my (fill-in-the-blank body part)"? Maybe it's your stomach, your hips, your breasts, your arms, or your legs. Maybe you wish you could make some parts smaller or other parts larger. Once you start making a list of what you want to change, the more body parts you want to add to the list.
When I am caught up in a moment of "Ugh! I wish I could change this and this and this..." my husband is quick to say "How about we hate ourselves a little bit less today?" It always makes me laugh. I realize that I am being ridiculous and stop my little hate spiral before it gets out of control.
It's easy to get caught up in the pity party and negativity of our inner voice that tells us how to feel about ourselves.
It could be from the way our moms talked to us or treated her own body image.
Or what society shows us is beautiful.
Or the way a mean girl in middle school or boyfriend later in life made us feel.
But utimately, WE are the ones who beat ourselves up and tear ourselves down.
I saw this article yesterday and it made me stop and think about how my thoughts and actions are affecting me and will -- no doubt -- affect the thoughts and actions of my 3 small daughters. It's about how moms hate their bodies and feel actual shame over their shapes:
http://www.today.com/moms/love-my-kids-hate-my-body-real-moms-speak-out-1B8328835
It's time to stop shaming ourselves.
Time to stop feeling not good enough.
Time to stop comparing ourselves.
Time to stop wishing we could change things that are unchangeable:
Gravity.
Stretch marks.
Our mother's body shape passed down to us as if it were a precious, but unwanted, family heirloom.
It's time to believe in the power of our bodies. The strength in our shape.
As a mother, my body has changed.
That is ok. I feel stronger, more powerful. I know that I helped create life and brought that child into the world.
I DID THAT.
I know that I made milk for my children custom for their size, their age, their needs. And I fed them when no one else could. I know that my body did that.
MY body.
When I start to feel negative and think, "Wouldn't it be great to just change this or that?" it is up to me to change my perspective. If I look at the mirror closely enough, I realize that I am stronger than I have ever been. I am wiser and more confident than I have ever been. I am more beautiful in the eyes of my husband and my children than I was even yesterday. Once I can see the beauty through my own eyes, then I can share that self love with my daughters.
I am happy in this moment.
I choose to see the beauty in the strength and grace I possess and celebrate it.
So ladies, let's reflect on the positives we see in the mirror. Let's find our confidence and celebrate it.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Birthday Gift: Acts of Kindness
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!
Birthdays are a big deal at this house, at least for our kids, and I think deep down I'll always feel like that little girl who still gets so excited when it's her birthday. But this year I feel like I already have so much, so many blessings, that I need to focus on other people and give more joy to them.
I saw a blog about a woman who did 38 random acts of kindness on her 38th birthday (see her amazing blog: http://mixmingleglow.com/blog/?p=1358). I thought that was a perfect idea, but for me and the 3 little girls, I don't think I could make a full day of it yet (maybe when they're older and could come along to help).
So I opted for a week of doing as many acts of kindness to friends and strangers alike. Turns out, I couldn't stop after just one week, so it is continuing. I am trying to do at least one good thing -- small or large -- for someone else every day.
Here is my list and if you are interested, maybe you can join in and do random acts of kindness too!
1. Made dinner for a friend and her family since she's recovering from surgery.
2. Gave money to a stranger in need. I heard her story from a friend who knew of a pregnant woman who didn't have much money and was struggling to pay bills and prepare for the birth of her baby. I gave money to my friend who then delivered it (and many other gifts from other people) to the mom-to-be. I feel like a small part of a bigger group who came together to bless this woman and her little baby.
3. Supported a friend by just listening and telling her I am here for her while she's going through a tough family situation.
4. Told a sorority sister that I am proud of her and believe in her ability to be a leader.
5. Brought a piece of pie home for my husband after he watched the kids so I could go to dinner for another friend's birthday.
6. Called an old friend out of the blue and told her how much her friendship means to me. She called me a few days later to say how my call was a gift from God because was having a really hard time and hearing how much she meant to me made her feel a million times better. Her call back to me blessed me more than she could know!
7. Bought a CD for a friend that I know she'd like and mailed it to her as a surprise.
8. Sent a card to a friend who I don't see often enough just saying "hi."
9. Told a dear friend and sorority sister how much I admire what she does to help other sisters (most of the time doing things that no one knows about except her and the sister in need). Her ability to give of her time and talents and unwavering support is something I strive to be like.
10. Told my daughters how much I love them and how proud I am for specific things they had done that day.
11. Made dinner for a neighbor who just had a baby.
12. Took a gift to another neighbor who also had a baby.
13. Gave a friend a compliment.
14. Let a stranger go in front of me in the check out line at the grocery store.
15. Increased our tithes to our church because of many reasons, one being that the staff does so many wonderful things for people in our community who need help while going through a tough time.
16. Gave a stranger a compliment and watched her face light up when I talked to her.
17. Prayed for a friend's son as he had surgery -- prayers for healing, comfort and peace for him and his family.
This is a short list, but one I want to continue, not just around my birthday, but every day. It helps me to count my blessings (which are too many to count) and to serve others as Christ calls us to do.
Birthdays are a big deal at this house, at least for our kids, and I think deep down I'll always feel like that little girl who still gets so excited when it's her birthday. But this year I feel like I already have so much, so many blessings, that I need to focus on other people and give more joy to them.
I saw a blog about a woman who did 38 random acts of kindness on her 38th birthday (see her amazing blog: http://mixmingleglow.com/blog/?p=1358). I thought that was a perfect idea, but for me and the 3 little girls, I don't think I could make a full day of it yet (maybe when they're older and could come along to help).
So I opted for a week of doing as many acts of kindness to friends and strangers alike. Turns out, I couldn't stop after just one week, so it is continuing. I am trying to do at least one good thing -- small or large -- for someone else every day.
Here is my list and if you are interested, maybe you can join in and do random acts of kindness too!
1. Made dinner for a friend and her family since she's recovering from surgery.
2. Gave money to a stranger in need. I heard her story from a friend who knew of a pregnant woman who didn't have much money and was struggling to pay bills and prepare for the birth of her baby. I gave money to my friend who then delivered it (and many other gifts from other people) to the mom-to-be. I feel like a small part of a bigger group who came together to bless this woman and her little baby.
3. Supported a friend by just listening and telling her I am here for her while she's going through a tough family situation.
4. Told a sorority sister that I am proud of her and believe in her ability to be a leader.
5. Brought a piece of pie home for my husband after he watched the kids so I could go to dinner for another friend's birthday.
6. Called an old friend out of the blue and told her how much her friendship means to me. She called me a few days later to say how my call was a gift from God because was having a really hard time and hearing how much she meant to me made her feel a million times better. Her call back to me blessed me more than she could know!
7. Bought a CD for a friend that I know she'd like and mailed it to her as a surprise.
8. Sent a card to a friend who I don't see often enough just saying "hi."
9. Told a dear friend and sorority sister how much I admire what she does to help other sisters (most of the time doing things that no one knows about except her and the sister in need). Her ability to give of her time and talents and unwavering support is something I strive to be like.
10. Told my daughters how much I love them and how proud I am for specific things they had done that day.
11. Made dinner for a neighbor who just had a baby.
12. Took a gift to another neighbor who also had a baby.
13. Gave a friend a compliment.
14. Let a stranger go in front of me in the check out line at the grocery store.
15. Increased our tithes to our church because of many reasons, one being that the staff does so many wonderful things for people in our community who need help while going through a tough time.
16. Gave a stranger a compliment and watched her face light up when I talked to her.
17. Prayed for a friend's son as he had surgery -- prayers for healing, comfort and peace for him and his family.
This is a short list, but one I want to continue, not just around my birthday, but every day. It helps me to count my blessings (which are too many to count) and to serve others as Christ calls us to do.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
A Mother's Work Is Never Done
"A mother's work is never done."
You've heard the old adage, and it couldn't be more true. I've always considered myself a busy person. In high school and college I was involved in a lot of different organizations and sports and held leadership positions in many of them, all while keeping up my grades. I often felt overscheduled. After college I worked at a local television station where typically one's life should revolve around work in order to succeed. I worked long hours, weekends, holidays -- I was constantly on the go and always running from one shoot to another. BUSY. Or so I thought.
Fast forward a few years and I have my first child. Within a few weeks I realized I had never been this busy in my life. My husband and I talked about the biggest surprise for us was the continuousness of parenthood. Not that we expected it to be a 9-5 kind of gig, but just that there is no break. Ever. I went back to work in 3 months and found the work/life balance was difficult to say the least. It was managable, but I never felt 100% committed to my job or 100% like a good mother. I've heard this is common and pretty much how many mothers feel for the rest of their lives.
Once the hectic, newborn, holy-crap-I-have-a-baby-to-take-care-of period passed, I found a rountine and rhythm to my daily life. Yet, nothing prepared me for twins. NOTHING. CAN. PREPARE. YOU. FOR. TWINS. From the overwhelming nausea I had 24 hours a day to the constant discomfort I felt as I grew and grew and GREW, my twins' pregnancy was a strong indicator at just how different this time around was going to be. Once my twins were born, life became a juggling act with little to no sleep and more people depending on me than ever before. When people say, "I had kids one year apart, so that's the same thing as twins or even harder than twins" (which I've heard more frequently than you'd think) I want to:
1. laugh at them and their ridiculous lie
2. ask them how many babies came out of their ladytown in the span of 20 minutes
3. ask if their oldest kid could hold its head up when the baby was born (try holding two babies who both need head/neck support)
4. ask if they breastfed both of their kids at the same time. around the clock. every day.
5. find out where they get their drugs that distort reality and request they them share with me
I look back now and laugh at how easy it was to have only one baby to take care of. I only had to load/unload one baby into the car in the rain. I only had to get up in the middle of the night when one baby cried. I got to nap when my baby napped because I didn't have a 2-year-old who needed my attention.
How did I ever think having one baby was hard?
Clearly, the adjustment period from 0-1 kid is tough. Going from only worrying about myself to making this other little person my top priority for everything is definitely a life change. It is a change I was happy to make and one that I'm so glad I did make, but it was still a grown up moment.
Finding time to myself when the twins were newborns and my oldest daughter was not even 2 and half years old was impossible. If I could go to the bathroom alone, it was a freaking vacation. If I could get a shower in every 3 days, I was happy (I'm sure my husband was as well). I was breastfeeding about 10-12 hours a day, every day and changing about 30 diapers a day because our toddler was not yet potty trained. This didn't leave much time for eating and sleeping, let alone any time for myself.
I don't want this to sound like a "woe is me" kind of speech. While I had a lot to deal with, I am extremely blessed to have a supportive husband who is very hands on as a parent as well as family who helps us in so many ways. There are so many moms who deal with situations that are much more difficult from kids with special needs, to being a single mom to having a parent away serving in the miltary to caring for children with health problems. I feel so blessed that my children -- who sometimes make me want to pull out my hair -- are, and always have been, healthy. This is a gift that I cherish and for which I am extremely grateful.
My life as a mom of 3 was, at times, sad and overwhelming, but is also an amazing experience filled with many joyful, thankful moments with these children who I grew and birthed and now have the immense honor of raising. I remember so many times when the twins were just days/weeks old, looking at them in awe at how they are so different, yet so connected to each other. I remember being so bleary-eyed and exhausted, but looking into their little faces and getting teary at what precious miracles there were and how blessed I am to be their mother. I still have moments like that, but I believe those first few months with your baby is about as close as one can get to being in a room with God. There's a quote by Charles Dickens that I keep coming back to: "It is no small thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us." Babies stare at their mommy with a look of pure adoration and that pure love is clearly a gift from God. Having two babies look at me like that while also looking at each other with love was sometimes too overwhelming for me to comprehend. Sort of like heaven. It's a love that is bigger than I can wrap my little brain around. God is bigger than anything I can imagine, yet with my children I feel he has given me a glimpse at his glory and the kind of love I can expect in heaven.
While a mother's work is never done, her reward is experiencing heaven on Earth.
You've heard the old adage, and it couldn't be more true. I've always considered myself a busy person. In high school and college I was involved in a lot of different organizations and sports and held leadership positions in many of them, all while keeping up my grades. I often felt overscheduled. After college I worked at a local television station where typically one's life should revolve around work in order to succeed. I worked long hours, weekends, holidays -- I was constantly on the go and always running from one shoot to another. BUSY. Or so I thought.
Fast forward a few years and I have my first child. Within a few weeks I realized I had never been this busy in my life. My husband and I talked about the biggest surprise for us was the continuousness of parenthood. Not that we expected it to be a 9-5 kind of gig, but just that there is no break. Ever. I went back to work in 3 months and found the work/life balance was difficult to say the least. It was managable, but I never felt 100% committed to my job or 100% like a good mother. I've heard this is common and pretty much how many mothers feel for the rest of their lives.
Once the hectic, newborn, holy-crap-I-have-a-baby-to-take-care-of period passed, I found a rountine and rhythm to my daily life. Yet, nothing prepared me for twins. NOTHING. CAN. PREPARE. YOU. FOR. TWINS. From the overwhelming nausea I had 24 hours a day to the constant discomfort I felt as I grew and grew and GREW, my twins' pregnancy was a strong indicator at just how different this time around was going to be. Once my twins were born, life became a juggling act with little to no sleep and more people depending on me than ever before. When people say, "I had kids one year apart, so that's the same thing as twins or even harder than twins" (which I've heard more frequently than you'd think) I want to:
1. laugh at them and their ridiculous lie
2. ask them how many babies came out of their ladytown in the span of 20 minutes
3. ask if their oldest kid could hold its head up when the baby was born (try holding two babies who both need head/neck support)
4. ask if they breastfed both of their kids at the same time. around the clock. every day.
5. find out where they get their drugs that distort reality and request they them share with me
I look back now and laugh at how easy it was to have only one baby to take care of. I only had to load/unload one baby into the car in the rain. I only had to get up in the middle of the night when one baby cried. I got to nap when my baby napped because I didn't have a 2-year-old who needed my attention.
How did I ever think having one baby was hard?
Clearly, the adjustment period from 0-1 kid is tough. Going from only worrying about myself to making this other little person my top priority for everything is definitely a life change. It is a change I was happy to make and one that I'm so glad I did make, but it was still a grown up moment.
Finding time to myself when the twins were newborns and my oldest daughter was not even 2 and half years old was impossible. If I could go to the bathroom alone, it was a freaking vacation. If I could get a shower in every 3 days, I was happy (I'm sure my husband was as well). I was breastfeeding about 10-12 hours a day, every day and changing about 30 diapers a day because our toddler was not yet potty trained. This didn't leave much time for eating and sleeping, let alone any time for myself.
I don't want this to sound like a "woe is me" kind of speech. While I had a lot to deal with, I am extremely blessed to have a supportive husband who is very hands on as a parent as well as family who helps us in so many ways. There are so many moms who deal with situations that are much more difficult from kids with special needs, to being a single mom to having a parent away serving in the miltary to caring for children with health problems. I feel so blessed that my children -- who sometimes make me want to pull out my hair -- are, and always have been, healthy. This is a gift that I cherish and for which I am extremely grateful.
My life as a mom of 3 was, at times, sad and overwhelming, but is also an amazing experience filled with many joyful, thankful moments with these children who I grew and birthed and now have the immense honor of raising. I remember so many times when the twins were just days/weeks old, looking at them in awe at how they are so different, yet so connected to each other. I remember being so bleary-eyed and exhausted, but looking into their little faces and getting teary at what precious miracles there were and how blessed I am to be their mother. I still have moments like that, but I believe those first few months with your baby is about as close as one can get to being in a room with God. There's a quote by Charles Dickens that I keep coming back to: "It is no small thing that they, who are so fresh from God, love us." Babies stare at their mommy with a look of pure adoration and that pure love is clearly a gift from God. Having two babies look at me like that while also looking at each other with love was sometimes too overwhelming for me to comprehend. Sort of like heaven. It's a love that is bigger than I can wrap my little brain around. God is bigger than anything I can imagine, yet with my children I feel he has given me a glimpse at his glory and the kind of love I can expect in heaven.
While a mother's work is never done, her reward is experiencing heaven on Earth.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Lots of Big Questions, Not a Lot of Time
I'm starting fresh.
Clearly it's been a while since I've found/made time to write a blog post. I'm going to work harder to make time. Guess what I've learned? I will never NOT be busy, so I need to find a way to do the things that need to get done (kids fed, clothed, happy) so that I can make time to do the things I enjoy (working out, writing and reading). I have already kickstarted the workout plan and now it's time to kickstart my writing schedule as well.
Today's post is just to give you a brief overview of topics that I plan to cover in the upcoming posts with the hope that you'll check back in and read them. I seem to have a lot of big questions swirling around in my head as of late and not a lot of time to truly dig into them. I hope to dive in to each subject and see what sense I can make from it. Feel free to weigh in and let me know which ones interest you most and which ones you have strong opinions about. Now to my list of upcoming topics:
Clearly it's been a while since I've found/made time to write a blog post. I'm going to work harder to make time. Guess what I've learned? I will never NOT be busy, so I need to find a way to do the things that need to get done (kids fed, clothed, happy) so that I can make time to do the things I enjoy (working out, writing and reading). I have already kickstarted the workout plan and now it's time to kickstart my writing schedule as well.
Today's post is just to give you a brief overview of topics that I plan to cover in the upcoming posts with the hope that you'll check back in and read them. I seem to have a lot of big questions swirling around in my head as of late and not a lot of time to truly dig into them. I hope to dive in to each subject and see what sense I can make from it. Feel free to weigh in and let me know which ones interest you most and which ones you have strong opinions about. Now to my list of upcoming topics:
- 24 hours is not enough: Finding time for everything, including myself
- Working at home or working outside the home: Every mom's choice/dilemma
- Self worth is heredity: Accepting myself just as I am so I can empower my children to do the same
- Learning from our elders: What lesssons can we learn from our parents, grandparents to become better people
- Married and still dating: How to date your husband again so life is more than just your children
- What do I want to do with my life? What should come next for me? Working outside the home, return to school or something completing different? Who knows, but I think many moms are thinking the same thing.
- "Who Rules the World? Girls!" How do I raise my children to be strong, independent women while being a stay-at-home mom? Do they have to be mutually exclusive?
- The Feminist Mystique: What does being a feminist really mean and why is it a bad word in our society?
- Putting Christ first: Raising my children in a Christian environment and the difficulties/successes of that
- Being healthy makes me a better mommy, wife, employee, and PERSON. Keeping a fitness plan going, what that will entail, and why it's important to me
Friday, September 30, 2011
So That's What They're For
This week I stopped nursing the twins. Officially. Weaned. For Good.
They are 13 and a half months old and basically the same age as when I stopped nursing their big sister. I'm no longer tethered to feeding them, and this is equally exciting and sad. There is special closeness that comes only with breastfeeding. So what will I miss about breastfeeding and what am I super-duper pysched for? Here's a list for the good and the bad.
What I will miss about breastfeeding:
1. The baby stage.
They are now big girls as one twin is walking and the other is very close to doing so, but it's easy to remember how TINY they were. Nursing was a constant reminder that they were helpless babies who needed me to survive.
2. The fact that I could eat all the calories in the world.
I was seriously supposed to eat about 3500 calories a day when I was nursing around the clock. I was so nervous about gaining so much weight when pregnant with the twins, but my doctor told me it would fall off if I breastfed. It did... eventually. I lost 20 pounds the day they were born, another 10 pounds within a week, and then slowly lost more weight until as I was about 5-10 pounds off my normal weight by the time time the twins were 4 months old. It was a big moment for me when I finally shed those last few pounds to have my clothes fit the way they used to. However, the only thing better than saying, "I'm eating for two" is saying, "I'm eating for THREE."
3. The time we spent together.
No outside interuptions. Just me and my babies. It was still crazy hectic at times with twins and a 2 year old, but there were these small still moments when it took my breath away that I was the mother of these perfect babies. That somehow, my body grew these two people, delivered these two people rather easily and that now they are here with us for as long as we live. That's a powerful thought and of course you can have that when you're not nursing, but there was a sense of meditation to breastfeeding at times that I won't have with running around toddlers.
4. The natural boob job.
Yes, it's a nice side effect of breastfeeding. Most books say you'll go up a cup size or two, I can tell you that it's more than that with twins. Obviously there are two babies who need to eat, so your body is working overtime to make milk and that means ginormous enhancements. I just wanted to take a picture and send it to any stupid teenage boy who had ever joked about the size of my chest. To steal from the title of my favorite breastfeeding book -- "So That's What They're For!" -- nursing made me feel more like a woman because I was doing exactly what my body was designed for. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that giving birth and breastfeeding are the only reasons women are put on Earth. I'm just saying the reason we have breasts are to feed children, not serve hot wings at Hooters.
5. The benefits for them & me.
My oldest has never had an ear infection and never been on antibiotics. The twins each got their first ear infection the week I stopped nursing (that's a big kick to the mommy guilt) and are taking their first-ever antibiotics now. Breastfeeding is not a cure all, but I honestly believe it's the best thing I ever did for them. It was a big sacrifice of my time and sometimes my sanity, but I worked hard to give them the food my body was designed to make. I've read my risk of breast cancer drops dramatically for every year I breastfeed. I wonder if the 13+months I breastfed my twins could count as 26 months? :)
Things I'm NOT going to miss about breastfeeding:
1. The TIME in my day, every day.
At the beginning I literally spent close to 12 hours a day breastfeeding them. 12 HOURS. A DAY. EVERY DAY. Around the clock. This left little time for me to eat, play with their big sister, shower and of course sleep was not really an option. Most of the year I probably averaged about 3-4 hours a day nursing.
2. The pain.
I know the books say it doesn't hurt, but that's a big load of... well, the smelly goo I change in diapers everyday (24 times a day the few few weeks with twins). It does hurt, at least the first few weeks. There was lots of crying on my part and their part while we got over the initial latch problems that are so common, especially with preemies. Then you throw in there blocked ducts and mastitis (an infection that feels like the flu) and breastfeeding is not as easy as the books tell you. It requires a lot of resources and support, but it can be done and in the end it's SO much easier and you're glad you stuck out those first few weeks.
3. Pumping.
Because of the twins' inability to latch well combined with the sheer time it took to get them to stay awake and nurse (45 min for each baby, then it was basically time to start all over again for the next feeding), I chose to pump and bottle feed them breastmilk for about 3 months. It was REALLY hard. I pumped 10-12 times a day for weeks. I even burned out the motor of my pump and had to order a new pump to keep up with my crazy overuse of it. If I ever hear the loud "WAAH-AAH" sound of a pump again, it will be too soon.
4. Feeling trapped.
I felt trapped in the house the first few months, not in a post pardum depression, but because I was CONSTANTLY feeding the twins. I remember feeling that way for a short time with my oldest girl, but it was exponentially more difficult with the twins. I felt like I was only here to make milk and change diapers for the first 3 months. I believe it was directly related to the LACK of sleep I was getting (less than 4 hours a night only in short bursts of 30 min, 45 min at a time).
5. Feeling like no one else could help.
The big thing with twins is to ask for help when you need it. I got that, but it was impossible when what I wanted and needed most was a wet nurse. Just someone to nurse the babies so I could get a few, precious hours of sleep. While it was nice for my husband to help me bottle feed the breastmilk in the beginning, I still had to pump every time so it wasn't like it was a real break for me.
It's been an exciting, busy, overwhelming, exhilirating, beautiful time since the twins were born, and now this change marks the end to one chapter and the beginning to a new one.
They are 13 and a half months old and basically the same age as when I stopped nursing their big sister. I'm no longer tethered to feeding them, and this is equally exciting and sad. There is special closeness that comes only with breastfeeding. So what will I miss about breastfeeding and what am I super-duper pysched for? Here's a list for the good and the bad.
What I will miss about breastfeeding:
1. The baby stage.
They are now big girls as one twin is walking and the other is very close to doing so, but it's easy to remember how TINY they were. Nursing was a constant reminder that they were helpless babies who needed me to survive.
2. The fact that I could eat all the calories in the world.
I was seriously supposed to eat about 3500 calories a day when I was nursing around the clock. I was so nervous about gaining so much weight when pregnant with the twins, but my doctor told me it would fall off if I breastfed. It did... eventually. I lost 20 pounds the day they were born, another 10 pounds within a week, and then slowly lost more weight until as I was about 5-10 pounds off my normal weight by the time time the twins were 4 months old. It was a big moment for me when I finally shed those last few pounds to have my clothes fit the way they used to. However, the only thing better than saying, "I'm eating for two" is saying, "I'm eating for THREE."
3. The time we spent together.
No outside interuptions. Just me and my babies. It was still crazy hectic at times with twins and a 2 year old, but there were these small still moments when it took my breath away that I was the mother of these perfect babies. That somehow, my body grew these two people, delivered these two people rather easily and that now they are here with us for as long as we live. That's a powerful thought and of course you can have that when you're not nursing, but there was a sense of meditation to breastfeeding at times that I won't have with running around toddlers.
4. The natural boob job.
Yes, it's a nice side effect of breastfeeding. Most books say you'll go up a cup size or two, I can tell you that it's more than that with twins. Obviously there are two babies who need to eat, so your body is working overtime to make milk and that means ginormous enhancements. I just wanted to take a picture and send it to any stupid teenage boy who had ever joked about the size of my chest. To steal from the title of my favorite breastfeeding book -- "So That's What They're For!" -- nursing made me feel more like a woman because I was doing exactly what my body was designed for. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that giving birth and breastfeeding are the only reasons women are put on Earth. I'm just saying the reason we have breasts are to feed children, not serve hot wings at Hooters.
5. The benefits for them & me.
My oldest has never had an ear infection and never been on antibiotics. The twins each got their first ear infection the week I stopped nursing (that's a big kick to the mommy guilt) and are taking their first-ever antibiotics now. Breastfeeding is not a cure all, but I honestly believe it's the best thing I ever did for them. It was a big sacrifice of my time and sometimes my sanity, but I worked hard to give them the food my body was designed to make. I've read my risk of breast cancer drops dramatically for every year I breastfeed. I wonder if the 13+months I breastfed my twins could count as 26 months? :)
Things I'm NOT going to miss about breastfeeding:
1. The TIME in my day, every day.
At the beginning I literally spent close to 12 hours a day breastfeeding them. 12 HOURS. A DAY. EVERY DAY. Around the clock. This left little time for me to eat, play with their big sister, shower and of course sleep was not really an option. Most of the year I probably averaged about 3-4 hours a day nursing.
2. The pain.
I know the books say it doesn't hurt, but that's a big load of... well, the smelly goo I change in diapers everyday (24 times a day the few few weeks with twins). It does hurt, at least the first few weeks. There was lots of crying on my part and their part while we got over the initial latch problems that are so common, especially with preemies. Then you throw in there blocked ducts and mastitis (an infection that feels like the flu) and breastfeeding is not as easy as the books tell you. It requires a lot of resources and support, but it can be done and in the end it's SO much easier and you're glad you stuck out those first few weeks.
3. Pumping.
Because of the twins' inability to latch well combined with the sheer time it took to get them to stay awake and nurse (45 min for each baby, then it was basically time to start all over again for the next feeding), I chose to pump and bottle feed them breastmilk for about 3 months. It was REALLY hard. I pumped 10-12 times a day for weeks. I even burned out the motor of my pump and had to order a new pump to keep up with my crazy overuse of it. If I ever hear the loud "WAAH-AAH" sound of a pump again, it will be too soon.
4. Feeling trapped.
I felt trapped in the house the first few months, not in a post pardum depression, but because I was CONSTANTLY feeding the twins. I remember feeling that way for a short time with my oldest girl, but it was exponentially more difficult with the twins. I felt like I was only here to make milk and change diapers for the first 3 months. I believe it was directly related to the LACK of sleep I was getting (less than 4 hours a night only in short bursts of 30 min, 45 min at a time).
5. Feeling like no one else could help.
The big thing with twins is to ask for help when you need it. I got that, but it was impossible when what I wanted and needed most was a wet nurse. Just someone to nurse the babies so I could get a few, precious hours of sleep. While it was nice for my husband to help me bottle feed the breastmilk in the beginning, I still had to pump every time so it wasn't like it was a real break for me.
It's been an exciting, busy, overwhelming, exhilirating, beautiful time since the twins were born, and now this change marks the end to one chapter and the beginning to a new one.
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