So That's What They're For

This week I stopped nursing the twins. Officially. Weaned. For Good.

They are 13 and a half months old and basically the same age as when I stopped nursing their big sister. I'm no longer tethered to feeding them, and this is equally exciting and sad. There is special closeness that comes only with breastfeeding. So what will I miss about breastfeeding and what am I super-duper pysched for? Here's a list for the good and the bad.

What I will miss about breastfeeding:
1. The baby stage.
They are now big girls as one twin is walking and the other is very close to doing so, but it's easy to remember how TINY they were. Nursing was a constant reminder that they were helpless babies who needed me to survive.

2. The fact that I could eat all the calories in the world.
I was seriously supposed to eat about 3500 calories a day when I was nursing around the clock. I was so nervous about gaining so much weight when pregnant with the twins, but my doctor told me it would fall off if I breastfed. It did... eventually. I lost 20 pounds the day they were born, another 10 pounds within a week, and then slowly lost more weight until as I was about 5-10 pounds off my normal weight by the time time the twins were 4 months old. It was a big moment for me when I finally shed those last few pounds to have my clothes fit the way they used to. However, the only thing better than saying, "I'm eating for two" is saying, "I'm eating for THREE."

3. The time we spent together.
No outside interuptions. Just me and my babies. It was still crazy hectic at times with twins and a 2 year old, but there were these small still moments when it took my breath away that I was the mother of these perfect babies. That somehow, my body grew these two people, delivered these two people rather easily and that now they are here with us for as long as we live. That's a powerful thought and of course you can have that when you're not nursing, but there was a sense of meditation to breastfeeding at times that I won't have with running around toddlers.

4. The natural boob job.
Yes, it's a nice side effect of breastfeeding. Most books say you'll go up a cup size or two, I can tell you that it's more than that with twins. Obviously there are two babies who need to eat, so your body is working overtime to make milk and that means ginormous enhancements. I just wanted to take a picture and send it to any stupid teenage boy who had ever joked about the size of my chest. To steal from the title of my favorite breastfeeding book -- "So That's What They're For!" -- nursing made me feel more like a woman because I was doing exactly what my body was designed for. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that giving birth and breastfeeding are the only reasons women are put on Earth. I'm just saying the reason we have breasts are to feed children, not serve hot wings at Hooters.

5. The benefits for them & me.
My oldest has never had an ear infection and never been on antibiotics. The twins each got their first ear infection the week I stopped nursing (that's a big kick to the mommy guilt) and are taking their first-ever antibiotics now. Breastfeeding is not a cure all, but I honestly believe it's the best thing I ever did for them. It was a big sacrifice of my time and sometimes my sanity, but I worked hard to give them the food my body was designed to make. I've read my risk of breast cancer drops dramatically for every year I breastfeed. I wonder if the 13+months I breastfed my twins could count as 26 months? :)

Things I'm NOT going to miss about breastfeeding:
1. The TIME in my day, every day.
At the beginning I literally spent close to 12 hours a day breastfeeding them. 12 HOURS. A DAY. EVERY DAY. Around the clock. This left little time for me to eat, play with their big sister, shower and of course sleep was not really an option. Most of the year I probably averaged about 3-4 hours a day nursing.

2. The pain.
I know the books say it doesn't hurt, but that's a big load of... well, the smelly goo I change in diapers everyday (24 times a day the few few weeks with twins). It does hurt, at least the first few weeks. There was lots of crying on my part and their part while we got over the initial latch problems that are so common, especially with preemies. Then you throw in there blocked ducts and mastitis (an infection that feels like the flu) and breastfeeding is not as easy as the books tell you. It requires a lot of resources and support, but it can be done and in the end it's SO much easier and you're glad you stuck out those first few weeks.

3. Pumping.
Because of the twins' inability to latch well combined with the sheer time it took to get them to stay awake and nurse (45 min for each baby, then it was basically time to start all over again for the next feeding), I chose to pump and bottle feed them breastmilk for about 3 months. It was REALLY hard. I pumped 10-12 times a day for weeks. I even burned out the motor of my pump and had to order a new pump to keep up with my crazy overuse of it. If I ever hear the loud "WAAH-AAH" sound of a pump again, it will be too soon.

4. Feeling trapped.
I felt trapped in the house the first few months, not in a post pardum depression, but because I was CONSTANTLY feeding the twins. I remember feeling that way for a short time with my oldest girl, but it was exponentially more difficult with the twins. I felt like I was only here to make milk and change diapers for the first 3 months. I believe it was directly related to the LACK of sleep I was getting (less than 4 hours a night only in short bursts of 30 min, 45 min at a time).

5. Feeling like no one else could help.
The big thing with twins is to ask for help when you need it. I got that, but it was impossible when what I wanted and needed most was a wet nurse. Just someone to nurse the babies so I could get a few, precious hours of sleep. While it was nice for my husband to help me bottle feed the breastmilk in the beginning, I still had to pump every time so it wasn't like it was a real break for me.

It's been an exciting, busy, overwhelming, exhilirating, beautiful time since the twins were born, and now this change marks the end to one chapter and the beginning to a new one.

Potty Training = Chaos

How do you define chaos? Potty training at our house.

It's time. I put it off as long as possible because the Bean was barely turning 2 years old when I was about 25 months pregnant with the twins. Okay, so maybe it wasn't 25 months, but when you have 2 people in your belly, your belly is 48 inches in circumference and you add 55 pounds, it is much more challenging to do -- well, ANYTHING -- let alone bend over and help with potty training. Once the babies arrived, I was having a good day if everyone was fed, changed and still breathing. It's THAT hard. Seriously. But it's finally slowed down from a daily sprint that requires every ounce of everything I have to give. Now it's more a paced run.

Our little Bean is 3 years old. The twins are 9 months old and things have finally settled into a routine (yet a ridiculously busy and still-difficult-at-times routine). Since Bean is out of preschool for the summer, we're going hard core with potty training. That means big girl underwear all day -- except diapers overnight. Last Wednesday was the first real day of the new master plan (really just a half day, since she had preschool graduation in the morning). That first day there were some small successes and lots and lots and LOTS of messy floors, wet underwear, trips to the potty, and even some tears mixed with a few cheers.

Multitasking to A Whole New Level

Day 1: In the afternoon while I was breastfeeding Baby A, the Bean had a potty accident and peed on the floor. I rushed her to the bathroom while still nursing the baby. As I was cleaning the Bean up, Baby B wanted to know what we were doing and crawled through the pee pee puddle to find us! Awesome. More cleaning for me. Our new front loading washer and dryer were certainly put to the test yesterday. As was my patience.


DAY 1: The Bean did actually pee and poop in the potty once. Small victories in a day filled with messes and crying babies and one STRESSED out mom.


WEEK 1: She now understands to go to the potty and gets to the potty pretty much every time. Yesterday she had a GREAT day with only 1 minor accident. Today she has peed in her underwear (while sitting on the potty) about 10 times.

I want to bang my head against a wall, but I understand that with potty training it really is one step forward, two steps back. So I'm hoping this phase passes quickly. My patience and my sanity my not make it if I spend all summer doing this.

My Name Is Prince... And I Am Funky

Okay, so I have to break off from the usual posts about all things mommy related. Big news must be reported. BIG. I went to my first Prince concert this past weekend. Yes, I said PRINCE. As in Prince-then-The-Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Prince-but-now-known-as-Prince-again. That PRINCE.

Fan Is Short for Fanatic

As you may already know about me, I am the world's hugest Prince fan. Always have been. I remember the first time I heard him. I was at my grandma's house and my super-cool, older cousin, Missy, brought in a record she had just bought. It was Prince's "Purple Rain" and we listened to it on a record player. While I was only about 6-7 years old, I remember that the music was fun to dance to and since Missy liked it, I knew it had to be cool.

In middle school my best friend and I choreographed a short dance to "7" for some class that I can't even recall now. Once I was in middle school I could see past just the good beat of Prince's music and start to get a glimpse of his raw talent.

He is 5 foot 2 of pure sexiness.

His lyrics are blatantly obvious. No hidden message. It's no wonder why so much of his music has not been played on the radio. Even Tipper Gore got involved and his "Darlin' Nikki" back in the early 80s is the reason music now has the "Parental Discretion Advised" label. Now that is a powerful artist. His music isn't made for everyone, and certainly much of it is not suitable for children. However, for grown ups who want to hear it, he speaks his mind. That kind of honesty and openness is something most artists these days won't do.

In high school my Prince obsession exploded. I loved every song of his that I heard and searched to find older albums so I could experience even more. I would doodle in class (because who really wanted to pay attention in AP Government) and my doodle typically revolved around trying to write down as many Prince song titles as I could think of. I could get at least 50 in before the teacher would become suspicious of my sudden passion for note taking in his class and I would quickly turn the page. Also as a cheerleader, we did a dance number to the "Purple Medley" my senior year. It was choreographed by Holli -- a member of the squad who shares in my love of Prince and who also attended this weekend's concert with me.

I have tried to see him in concert before. He toured the East Coast my freshman year of college and I had planned to see him in South Carolina, but he cancelled the show before we got tickets. He hasn't even been back on the East Coast since 2004, so when Holli contacted me that Prince was going to be in Greensboro in 2 weeks, I KNEW we had to find a way to be there. We wanted to get the best seats possible and were lucky enough to get seats in the 2nd row! Holli and I went with her cousin, Meegan. I didn't know who Meegan was until she walked in the door and I recognized her as a girl I had grown up with and who had played on my sister's softball team when we were younger. Small world! Who knew we all had the same affection/obsession for Prince?!

Showtime

Chaka Khan opened for Prince and we got there in time to hear her last few songs (she only played about half an hour and traffic was a beast getting in to the show). She rocked "I'm Every Woman" and we were starting to get in the mood for the big show. Holli and Meegan had both seen Prince before and they were so excited to see the look on my face when he first stepped on stage.

The music started playing. D.M.S.R. (Dance. Music. Sex. Romance.). Suddenly he popped centerstage through an elevator and starting singing and dancing and I almost lost my mind! We each had hoped to hear our FAVORITE Prince song: Holli -- "Adore," Meegan -- "When Doves Cry," Me -- "Delirious." He played so many of his popular songs and yes, we each heard our favorite! I knew he wouldn't play some of his famous songs simply because since converting to a Jehovah's Witness, he doesn't curse anymore and well, that takes out a lot of his raunchy (and some would say, awesome) songs. He did manage to sing a couple of those songs by changing one line of the lyrics here and there. I'll take that.

I think we made eye contact with him several times during the show since we were seated so close. The most memorable for me was when after singing "When Doves Cry" he stopped and turned to face us while the crowd was going crazy. He looked right at me and I screamed like a teenager at a Beatles or Elvis concert. You know the ones that scream and cry and sometimes faint? That's what I looked like. The only difference in my experience and those back in the 1950s or 60s is that I was taking a cell phone video of that moment and when he looked at ME, you can hear me scream a high-pitched squeal and see the video get REALLY shaky. It's a moment that I'll never forget and I'm glad to have it on video.

To be fair I wasn't the only one feeling overwhelmed by the live experience of Prince. The two women next to us were sobbing when he played "Adore" as his final song. Not just crying. Sobbing.

I was a little worried that this concert wouldn't live up to my expectations. I've been anticipating it for more than 15 years. That's a lot of build up. He BLEW me away. His voice was perfect -- complete with the high-pitch, classic Prince sounds, his guitar playing was sensational and his dancing (including him slowly slithering across the stage to "Little Red Corvette") was exactly what you would expect from Prince. This was a concert of a lifetime for me and I'm so happy that I got to experience it. Best. Concert. Ever.

Setlist

Here's the full setlist thanks to some awesome website that keeps track.

1. D.M.S.R. (Dance. Music. Sex. Romance.)

2. Pop Life

3. Musicology

4. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough (a Michael Jackson cover when he pulled a lady in her 50s on stage to dance. Awesome.)

5. Cool (a cover of a Time song)

6. U Got the Look

7. Misty Blue

8. Rasberry Beret

9. Take Me With U

10. She's Always in My Hair

11. Controversy

12. Housequake

13. The Cross

14. Let's Go Crazy

15. Delirious

16. 1999

17. Little Red Corvette

18. Purple Rain (complete with purple confetti exploding in the air to give us all purple rain while the crowd sung along for what felt like 20 minutes. Beautiful. Amazing. Moving.)

Encore:

19. When Doves Cry

20. Nasty Girl

21. Darlin Nikki (it would have made Tipper Gore lose her mind)

22. Sign "O" the Times

23. Alphabet Street

24. The Most Beautiful Girl in the World

25. The Bird (another Time cover -- you remember, Morris Day and the Time from the movie Purple Rain?)

Encore 2:

26. Jungle Love (the Time cover)

27. Love Rollercoaster (cover)

28. Play That Funky Music (AWESOME cover)

29. Which Way is Up

30. Kiss

31. If I Was Your Girlfriend (he sang this while dancing on top of the purple piano which was about 10 feet from our seats. A-maz-ing.)

32. Insatiable

33. Scandalous

34. Adore (Again, sung from on top of the piano right in front of us)