And Baby Makes 3... or 5 as the Case May Be

Only one percent of women have twins.


So I get it. It's rare and people like to point and stare while giving me the "I'm so glad it's you and not me" look of pity. I just went to my OB doctor for my 6-week check up and I took the twins with me. The oohs and awes the babies received were nothing compared to the "Holy crap! Twins!" comments I got. One pregnant woman in the waiting room said congrats and then leaned in to her husband and said, "See honey, it could be worse. We could be having twins." Thanks lady. I may be tired, but I'm not deaf. I CAN HEAR YOU!


Yes, I'm tired. I keep thinking I was ridiculous for being so tired with our first child. I complained about how hard it was and how it took up so much time to care for a child around the clock. I was always happy to become a mom, but the biggest shock I had to deal with the first time around was the continuous-ness (is that even a word?) of caring for a newborn. There's just no break. You feed, burp, change diapers, rock and repeat. OVER and OVER again. 24 hours a day. This was a big change for me as a first-time mom, but now that I have twins and a 2-year-old I keep thinking... one baby was super easy!


Let's be clear, I'm not saying having one baby is actually easy. I know it's not. I believe that going from 0-1 kid is still the most difficult adjustment any mom will make b/c it's a lifestyle shift. A shift that occurs when the baby is born and nevers shifts back. It's a good thing and it's how we change from women into mothers. Learning what to do with a newborn and how to adjust your daily life to accept the needs (the MANY needs) of a newborn is hectic and overwhelming. Once that is done, I think the first-time jitters are gone and it's easier for a second child. But that doesn't mean it's a walk in the park.


Whether it's multiples or just one newborn (as if JUST ONE newborn isn't challenging enough sometimes)... Here is my list of things that change with a baby:


1. Sleep -- Obviously this is simply gone. You'll learn to take these 8 precious hours and reduce them to a 4-hour power nap (that will be broken into 3 segments). I love to sleep at least 9 hours and be lazy on Saturdays. This hasn't happened since my first child was born 2 and a half years ago. Sorry moms, but the sleep ship has sailed and will return in about 15 years.


2. Everyone has an opinion -- Seriously, everyone from your mom, mother-in-law, sister to the checkout lady at the grocery store will have an opinion on how you raise your kids. And they will share those opinions with you. A LOT. How you handle this part of motherhood will affect your relationships with those family members and more importantly, will affect your own sanity. You have to listen, smile & nod, then do what YOU think is best. You are the mom and that makes you an expert on your child.


3. Guilt -- I think I understand Catholic guilt based on the mommy guilt. I feel guilt when I worked outside the home (am I abandoning my child? NO). I now feel guilt about staying at home (am I setting a good example for my 3 daughters? I hope so.). I've felt guilt over breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding and so many other issues moms deal with daily. I wish this wasn't a part of motherhood, but sadly I think it is just as much a part of having a newborn as the little hats they give babies in the hospitals. All I can do is try to take a step back and look at the big picture and hope I can realize that my everyday decisions aren't going to create as much drama as I see in my head.


4. Priorities -- My priorities changed instantly when I became a mother. I suddenly knew my purpose on this planet was to care for this baby. To love her. To protect her. To help her become a good person. No pressure! That's a pretty tall order but it's one that most any mother would agree with.


5. Time -- Okay, so this goes along with sleep and priorities, but I simply don't have time for everything anymore. With all the extra time I spend with my newborns, I don't have time to talk to run to Target and grab whatever I need at the moment or to take an hour blow drying my hair straight or decide on a whim to put on my workout clothes, pop on my iPod and go for a long run. These are luxuries (well, my luxuries at least) that simply vanished when I brought home newborns. This isn't to say they are gone forever, but they now require more planning and thought and will someday return at a more leisurely pace when the kids are older. I hope.

Breastfeeding: Natural or a Pain?

My twins are officially one month old, so you'll understand why I haven't posted a blog in a while. I'd like to get better about that, but I'd also like to sleep more than 4-5 cumulative hours per night... so I might as well be wishing for a unicorn.

My issue today involves breastfeeding. I am a big believer in breastfeeding and I nursed my first child for 15 months. That said, I also think it can suck (no terrible pun intended). My first child was what the lactation nurses defined as a "lazy eater" but really it meant she would nurse for 5 minutes and then fall asleep. So clearly she wasn't getting enough food. So I'd have to pump and give her extra in a bottle. EVERY feeding. 10-12 times a day. For TEN weeks. It was terrible until one day, like magic, she just figured it out and nursed properly.

That was tough, but I'm so glad I stuck it out and continued to nurse her. Having twins is a whole different animal. These girls also are what you'd call "lazy eaters" and have their preemie status as a strike against them. They are small and get exhausted easily, so just a little bit of effort to nurse makes them SO TIRED and they just go back to sleep. So again, me and my trusty pump (best gift ever from my sister) are becoming BFFs. Pumping is a pain because you can't exactly do that while you're out and about (not that you're out and about one month after having twins). Also, the twins are hungry every 2 hours. EVERY 2 hours. 24 hours a day. EVERY day. Do the math (and I'm terrible at math) and it's about 12 feedings a day. Needless to say it's time consuming and when you feel like you have to pump for about 90 percent of the feedings, it's not fun.

There are tons of benefits of breastfeeding for the babies (I won't list all those -- look them up on that new-fangled technology called "google") and also for mommy. It lowers my risk of certain cancers for the rest of my life b/c I've breastfed for more than 1 year. ALSO, I'm burning about 1000 calories a day. Seriously. I've lost more than 30 pounds so far and I'm hoping to lose another 10 to fit into my clothes and maybe a few more pounds to get back to my fighting weight.

I just get annoyed when all the books tell you how natural breastfeeding is and if it hurts, then you're not doing it right. Well, I'm here to tell you that is a load of crap. At least for me and a lot of my mommy friends I've talked to about the subject. It hurts and it takes up about 8-10 hours a day for at least a couple of months. I know that it's free, but I think my time is valuable and if you calculated the cost of 8-10 hours a day, I'm pretty sure that formula is cheaper in the long haul. However, I am still a believer in breastfeeding b/c I am deep down pretty hippie-skippie and want to be as natural as possible for my children. Plus I really want to do this for them b/c I know it's the best food available for them.

It does get easier. Otherwise, NO ONE would do it. It was so much more convenient after a few months b/c I am available anywhere without any prep time. Yet, I want to be honest and let other moms (or future moms) know that it is difficult and you're not alone. I think moms are set up for failure when we're handed a line about how it's "natural" and "easy" and "NOT painful" so that when we inevitably find that breastfeeding is, in fact, difficult and extremely painful at times (like the first few days or when the baby gets teeth or b/c of yeast infections, blocked ducts, mastitis, etc.)... we give up breastfeeding and think of ourselves as failures. You are NOT a failure if you stop breastfeeding or if you choose not to breastfeed at all. Moms have lots of choices to make and there's no need to feel guilt for this one.

For the time being, I will continue to pump/nurse around the clock with the hopes that my twincesses will eventually get the hang of it. The lactation nurses swear that it will happen. I know from my own experience with my first child that it can happen. On its own. In time. Until then, I'll be here. Exhausted.